Showing posts with label Damien. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Damien. Show all posts

Thursday, March 10, 2016

Short take reviews: 'Damien' and 'Hap & Leonard'

Let me say that I actually thought that I’d watch ‘Hap & Leonard’ and ‘Damien’ a lot sooner than last night. My only excuse was the fact that neither show planted a burning seed of desire in my massive, manly gut.

So lets start with A&E’s re-imagining of the ‘The Omen’ with their latest adaptation ‘Damien’.

We must pretend that ‘Damien Omen II’ and ‘The Omen III: The Final Conflict’ never happened. For viewers under 40, that comes easy. For viewers like me, it can be difficult. I grew up with those films.

Damien (Bradley James) is in Damascus and some old bag tells him the same thing his first nanny said just before she jumped off the house with a noose around her neck in front of horrified party goers. The old bag’s eyes go white and before Damien can get any further information, he is whisked away by a military force. He turns to see that she has disappeared.


Blah, blah, blah happens until he goes to an old professor’s (Sam Anderson) house with a sexy woman (Megalyn Echikunwoke). The old professor starts getting all religious on Damien. Damien retreats and there’s the old Rottweiler dogs waiting outside. The door magically opens and the dogs go inside to take care of business.

The show isn’t that interesting. The production values are just a few degrees better than ‘Tales From The Darkside’. When the professor gets his throat ripped out by the dogs, you may find yourself thinking… “Did they not have the budget for better retakes?”

Remember when Damien tried to kill his mother with his Big Wheel? Remember Damien screaming to get away from a church? How could he NOT know he's evil in his mid-20s?

Oh yeah, forget that the 'Damien The Omen II' never happened. (I also had some issues that film as well)

I went about 52 minutes before pulling the plug on ‘Damien’. I rate it 1.5 Tubes and only because of its proud lineage.

On to ‘Hap & Leonard’ on Sundance TV…


Based on the novels by Joe R. Lansdale, ‘Hap & Leonard’ stars James Purefoy (‘The Following’) and Michael Kenneth Williams (‘The Wire’). And I wanted to like it just for Mr. Williams who was GREAT as Omar on ‘The Wire’.

But after 25 minutes of Hap & Leonard playfully making racist remarks to each other I was officially bored. Christina Hendricks (‘Mad Men’) strolling around with her sexiness wasn’t enough to keep my attention.

The idea of seeing Hap & Leonard try to retrieve a million bucks that ended up in a river by a bridge just didn’t intrigue me enough to keep watching. The show just seemed like a buddy flick with a weak storyline. I suppose some people think the stereotypical racial jabs are funny, but I did not. Not because I have a problem with that type of thing. It just wasn’t funny or endearing to see how playful the characters are with each other.

‘Hap & Leonard’ is a complete waste of your time. It was certainly a waste of mine.

And the thing that sucks the most… Either Sundance TV isn’t in High-Def or DirecTV doesn’t carry the High-Def version. It was like I was watching the show with temporary cataracts.

How did we ever watch anything in the old standard definition?

‘Hap & Leonard’ gets .5 Tubes from me. If you haven’t watched, don’t bother.

Monday, March 07, 2016

Your Television Premiere Dates for the week of March 7 - 13, 2016

Someone requested that I also list the mid-season premiere dates so I'm honoring that request. The only reason I kept them off my lists is because responsible television viewers have their DVRs set to record the full season where every show is captured. But not everyone is as serious and responsible as I am when it comes to television.

So lets get to it...

PREMIERE DATES

Monday, March 7
- ‘Bates Motel’ is back for another season on A&E at 9pm.
- That’s followed by the debut of ‘Damien’ at 10pm also on A&E. And yes, it is connected with ‘The Omen’. I will have a review for it soon here to see if it’s worth our time.

Tuesday, March 8
- ‘Fresh Off The Boat’ sees a new time at 8pm as well as ‘The Real O’Neals’ at 8:30pm on ABC.
- ‘Agents of SHIELD’ returns from hiatus at 9pm on ABC.
- ‘Of Kings & Prophets’ debuts at 10pm also on ABC. It’s a period piece capitalizing on the popularity of anything with a sword in it ala ‘Game Of Thrones’. To be completely honest, I’m not even going to bother with this one. We were all burned by ‘The Bastard Executioner’ of FX.
- The season premiere of ‘Chrisley Knows Best’ hits USA at 10pm.

Wednesday, March 9
- The debut of ‘Underground’ drops on WGN America at 10pm. It’s more of a thriller than a history lesson concerning slavery and the Underground Railroad. Lots of big names connected to this series both behind and in front of the cameras.

Friday, March 11
- ‘Bosch’ is back for a second season on Amazon.
- Will Arnett seems to be animated gold for Netflix (BoJack Horseman), but can he pull off another live-action series? ‘Flaked’ is a series where Arnett is Chip, a self-help guru that must try to stay ahead of his lies. All 8 episodes drop at midnight.

Sunday, March 13
- Since we obviously need even MORE Steve Harvey, ‘Little Big Shots’ debuts on NBC at 8pm. It’s billed as a comedy-variety series. And it’s a fantastic avenue for Steve Harvey to make even more faces of disbelief and if we’re lucky… The patented drop to one knee. I can hardly wait
- ‘The Carmichael Show’ made it to a second season and a new time slot at 9pm on NBC.



NETFLIX PREMIERE DATES


Monday, March 7
- ‘Cuckoo’ Seasons 1 & 2

Wednesday, March 9
- ‘The Returned’ Season 1

Thursday, March 10
- ‘Comedy Bang! Bang!’ Season 4 part 3 (whatever that means)

Friday, March 11
- ‘Dinotrux’ Season 2
- ‘The Characters’ Season 1
- ‘Popples’ Season 2