I'm Not A Good Traveler

I don’t travel much. I don’t particularly care for it. If I can see most landmarks in pictures or on television, that’s about all I need. Really. My favorite places or places where I’d like to go are more or less experiences and involve race tracks. And since NASCAR has moved the Cup race at Sonoma closer to our anniversary date, Chigs and I will eventually go out west. I’ve never been further west than Cincinnati. So, all you travel snobs go ahead and look down your nose at my uncultured ass. I don’t care. It all seems like a huge hassle to me.

I meant to write about this earlier this month, but I got lazy…

Chigs and I took some furniture to the oldest in Wilmington, NC. We packed up the CR-V with everything he requested and a few things he didn’t. We have usually crashed at his place even with the roommates, but my experiences with that weren’t exactly my idea of fun. So, we got a room at the Hampton Inn close to Waterman’s Brewing. We didn’t plan that. It was just a happenstance. Sweet, sweet happenstance.

The A/C in the room just couldn’t hang with my hotel ideals. When I’m not paying for the A/C, I want it COLD. I want to be able to chisel marble with my nipples. I set that baby at 65 and it could only manage a low of 68.

I have trouble sleeping in unfamiliar beds… Another issue that I have about traveling. I get a back ache that lasts until around lunchtime. But if the room is colder than a frozen ill-fated Mount Everest climber, I can sleep all snug and swaddled with warm blankets.

I like the breakfast gatherings in the morning. You get a nice mix of the peppy, washed, and clean travelers along with folks like me… Slipped on shoes and no concern about your hair looking as if you brushed it with a shotgun. But getting to actually eating breakfast can be an exercise in patience and understanding.

The first person that I encountered was dressed to the nines in a suit. He said, “If your looking for all the good stuff, it’s gone.”

I couldn’t understand what he was talking about. There was plenty of breakfast meats, omelets, and etc. As far as I could tell, they were out of muffins. Maybe that’s his trigger for disappointment.

I got myself a bowl and box of Kellogg’s Rice Krispies. I don’t eat cereal very often, but after having what they call an omelet the day before, I was having some cereal. The milk was in a small refrigerator unit about 10 feet away from where I procured the cereal and bowl. I navigated my way through clueless folks wandering around like The Walking Dead. Then this pale 90 some year-old bat with flaming auburn hair stepped right in front of the milk fridge. She took her sweet time getting the proper amount of oatmeal and then she broke out a plastic bag. She struggled to open the bag. Then she started opening pouches and pouring them onto her oatmeal. She pulled out some capsules, opened them, and poured them onto her oatmeal. A family member saw me behind her and said, “Maybe you can that at the table.”

I smiled even though inside I was screaming "Yeah, you perfumed old hag! Do that crap at your table where you’re not bringing someone else’s life to a screeching halt!”

And then there’s the coffee jerks. The ones that act as if they’re at the Build-A-Bear Workshop attempting to make the best cup of coffee humanly possible. They get their coffee and “play” with the many flavored non-dairy additives and they’re usually in pairs. They compare notes. They sip. Compare notes again. Get a squirt of this. Add some Stevia. Compare notes again. Good God people! Keep it moving!

I made a proclamation during that trip… I will continue being friendly to the folks at the breakfast food stations. But any of my attitudes and phrases may come out when encountering the coffee jerks. I have grown tired of them. Just get your coffee and move on. Move your chemistry experiences to maybe three to six feet out of everyone’s way.

So, yeah… Traveling is fun.

My NASCAR Ritual

I completed a sad ritual the day after the NASCAR Monster Energy Cup Series wrapped up the 2018 season. It’s a ritual that hasn’t been performed since Juan Pablo Montoya’s last full Cup season. It’s a ritual that I perform alone and it only takes a few minutes. The ritual tools only consist of my hands and a razor blade of some type. It has been performed for Dick Trickle, Jimmy Spencer, Robby Gordon, Montoya, and now AJ Allmendinger. It’s the removal of their sticker(s) and in some cases, license plates.

Allmendinger got his walking papers from JTG Daughtry Racing a month or so ago. He isn’t expected to race full time in either Cup or the Xfinity Series for next year. So that means that I have to choose a new driver to throw my unwavering support. I have several candidates, but I am torn.

Ryan Blaney is an interesting young man. He has a very dry sense of humor and he’s rocking a “pornstache” these days. And he has sported a wonderful and sweet mullet hairstyle. So yeah, that speaks volume. I don’t pull for drivers that just win and win and win. I want a driver with a lot character and a sense of humor. And it seems that this cat has just those qualities. It doesn’t hurt that he’s only been in Cup racing for a short period of time.

Clint Bowyer has always been on my short list of drivers that I like. I actually got to take a hot lap around Martinsville Speedway with Bowyer behind the wheel. I was strapped in the backseat with Spencer Turkin riding shotgun. We were in the Toyota pace car and Bowyer had those tires squealing as we rounded those tight turns. It was fun. And in the video, you can hear me say that it was more fun than my rollover. And the former dirt track driver can be competitive on just about every track. From the super speedways like Daytona to the road courses. He’s a wheelman for sure.

Erik Jones is another hair fashion fearless kind of drivers who has sported a mullet. But he does seem a little too quiet for me. He’s in the running for my support. Again, he’s another one of the newer Cup drivers.

I’ve often been asked why I don’t pull for someone that wins. I personally don’t understand those types of fans. I suppose that winning is all that matters to some people. I’ve just always sided with the underdogs. The win that Allmendinger scored at Watkins Glen was so sweet! I was losing my mind for those last few laps. I was close to seeing Montoya win at Richmond one Saturday night. Jamie had celebratory shots lined up for us and a late caution flag flew. Montoya’s first oval win went straight out the window after commanding most of the race.

So, there you have it. My three candidates for my support as a fan. I will make the reveal before the Advance Auto Parts Clash at Daytona in February. I should have a party like those that reveal the gender of their offspring that’s on the way. I don’t get it, but whatever. Just tell us. I don’t need or care for the suspense of popping open some gift box with a balloon popping out of it with confetti.

The time is coming when I will proudly display the new number on Roxy’s (my truck) back glass. I really need to get some kind of license plate holder for the front bumper. I miss having both ends of the truck covered.

I'm Giddy!

If you didn’t realize it, I’m a NASCAR fan. I still keep up with the sport even though I don’t watch every single race like I used to do. I’m not the only one that believes that NASCAR has put themselves into a deep, deep hole. They expanded too fast while alienating their Southern fans searching for fertile markets. I’m not saying that the expansion is the biggest source of the problem. I’m saying that NASCAR could have used a little creativity when building new tracks. Just about all of them are 1.5 mile tracks modeled after Charlotte.

Hell, I’ll never understand why they changed Atlanta. It was fine. But they had to monkey with it.

They also had to monkey with Bristol and they tried to go back. But there was no going back. They ruined it and what used to be a sellout with a waiting list for tickets has now become the “Last Great Coliseum” filled with shiny, empty seats with speckles of people scattered throughout.

Charlotte used to be special, but it’s not anymore since so many tracks have been stamped out using the CMS mold. What was once a race that I looked forward to has become “humdrum” and seen just about every week from a different geographical location. So, if I see that race or not, it no longer matters to me. I’ll try to tune into the last 20 laps or so, but the finishing order will be published almost immediately. So, lots of times I don’t even bother to watch the 600. Here’s a list of the tracks that I don’t really give a damn about watching…

Atlanta – 2
Las Vegas – 2
Phoenix – 2
Fontana, California – 1
Texas – 2
Kansas – 2
Charlotte – 1 (now)
Michigan – 2
Chicagoland – 1
Kentucky – 1
Indianapolis – 1

The only reason that I bother to watch the last race of the season at Miami-Homestead is because it’s the Championship race. If it weren’t for the tension, there would be no real reason to watch. It would be a boring race if some drama weren't involved.

That means out of 19 races, I won’t bother with 18 of them until the last remaining laps to complete the race. And there are 36 races which means that I’m not watching at least half of them.

But Charlotte is doing something this weekend that will most likely shake things up a bit. Not only in the standings, but the possibility for things to change when it comes to the oval-heavy schedule. Charlotte has built a road course racetrack that’s part of the existing track and within it.

Jim and Bait went with me on for one of the open test sessions back in July. Although we never saw any side-by-side testing, the Roval race at Charlotte this weekend is going to be one hell of an experiment. I KNOW this race will be exciting because it’s such a wild card of a race. It’s also a cut-off race for eliminating four of the playoff contenders with only 3 of the 16 locked into the next round. So, we’ve got 13 guys desperately looking for a win, a darn good finish, and back luck for their competition. And oh yeah, there are 24 other drivers that want a win too!

One of the things to look are the double-file restarts. They could most likely end up going into turn one side-by-side. And from what we saw at the open test session, that’s one hell of a sharp turn. Just about every driver had the rear ends of their cars kicking out during the exit of that turn. And when they come back around through the dogleg front stretch, they carry in so much speed that brakes will become an issue.

This race has a lot of potential to ruin someone’s day. And it also has the potential to ruin a Championship run for 16 of the competitors. I couldn’t be more excited!

The Roval race at Charlotte will have excitement. It may have angry drivers. There may be brawls in the pits. Tensions will be at an all-time high with drivers, pit crew members, crew chiefs, and spotters. And sadly, I won’t be there in person. Being out of work has limited my ability to purchase tickets to the event. Jamie has mentioned going more than several times, but I haven’t really taken it to heart. The practical side of me says that I must save us the money by not going even though there’s a burning desire to be there.

I have a friend of mine that will be in attendance and it will be his first race. So yeah, he’s in for a doozy of a first race.

I had several firsts at Charlotte. I was there for the first points race under the lights that gave Jeff Gordon his first win. I was there for Bobby Labonte’s first win. But unfortunately, I won’t be making this one. One must be prudent in my current state of under-employment.

The bottom line is this… This race is going to be a damn hoot! Fan or not, I would suggest seeing this one either in person or on the couch.

Alice Cooper 'Lace And Whiskey'

I didn’t get to see any of the race from Charlotte Motor Speedway last Saturday night. I had my own drama dealing with two rooms full of kids, personality issues, a crazy sister, and an auto accident involving one of the HeroClix Madness tournament players.

Everything turned out okay for the folks racing in Charlotte and the players in the HeroClix tournament. Although, I’m sure someone’s insurance rates will start putting the squeeze on the family of the relatively new driver. Thankfully, she’s okay.

I was listening to the race on 600 WSJS while driving through three counties. In between the post-tournament chatter, I could tell that the race was exciting. After the final caution, I had to crank up the radio and put the brakes on the chatter. I was one big ear listening to the race that I wished I was watching. Cars were hitting the walls. Drivers were jockeying for position trying to win one in order to move onto the next elimination round.

And that’s the deal.

You win and you move on EVEN if you’re dead last in the points with that group of elimination round drivers. And the last race comes down to four drivers. The Sprint Cup Champion can be determined by points OR a win among those four drivers.

Is it gimmicky?

You bet it is! And here’s what I like about it…

If you won a race during the regular season, you were in the Chase. You had a shot at the Championship. It gave my current fave AJ Allmendinger and Aric Almirola from underfunded and under performing teams a shot at some big cash and a possible Championship.

What’s not to love about that?

Allmendinger was the only Chaser from a one car race team.

So back to the race at Charlotte…

Drivers were aching for the win! Joey Logano got the first win in that elimination round at Kansas so he could rest a little easier at Charlotte and Talladega. The other 11 Chase drivers wanted that win in Charlotte real bad so they could relax at Talladega. At Talladega ANYTHING can happen and ANYONE can win.

Drivers were aggressive at Charlotte. They were beating and banging on a mile and a half track. Kevin Harvick scored the win and put himself into the next round of the Sprint Cup Chase.

After the race, Brad Keselowski let his displeasure known to other drivers. He even did a burnout in the garage. And once everyone was out of their cars, mild-mannered Matt Kenseth went after Keselowski with a headlock and “word of prayer”.

Drivers were HOT! Drivers were passionate. And we fans LOVE IT!

Again, it’s gimmicky but something had to give. NASCAR racing seems to be the same ol' same ol’ week in and week out.

“Oh look… They’re racing on a cookie-cutter. Wow. The same drivers keep winning those cookie-cutters. How exciting… Zzzzzzz”

Ratings and attendance continue to go down even with the last race in Charlotte. And that race turned out to have a ton of excitement on and off the track.

And they’re racing this weekend at Talladega and I cannot wait!

10 drivers have one more shot at winning and moving onto the next elimination round. And the other 33 drivers have a shot at winning. From the underfunded one car team that doesn’t compete in all the races to the 3 or 4 car teams that stick it out all 36 races.

I’m going to give you this guarantee… The last 30 laps will be nail-biting and exciting no matter who your favorite driver is. Or hell, even if you’re not a fan of NASCAR racing you will find those last 30 laps just as exciting. We could witness half the field being caught in the “Big One” and taken out of contention. We could see a first time winner. We could see the biggest underdog take the checkered flag. We could see cars flying and flipping through the air. We might even see another drunken dumbass fan sitting atop the catch fence bringing out a caution.

The bottom line… This Chase for the Sprint Cup is exciting. It’s livened up a sport that has abandoned its Southern fans for the pursuit of bigger markets and making cookie-cutter tracks that provide nothing but boring races.

There are lots of fans that don’t care for the Chase at all. But I gotta tell ya… I am LOVING this elimination thing gimmicky or not.