Wednesday, January 02, 2008

Queen 'Rock Montreal'

I must admit that I felt all right with missing my mother’s side of the family Christmas get together. Every year, I hear the same echoes that it could be the last one for certain relatives. Yeah… It could very well be the last Christmas for one or both of my grandparents. But I try not to get caught up in that line of thinking. The death part of that holiday thinking seems a little depressing to me.

Here’s the deal… My grandparents live in West Virginia… The land where I was born. Every Saturday before Christmas… We are all required to meet at the Pence homestead in Sarton, WV. Almost every excuse will be frowned upon.

As you can see… There’s no highway running through there. There’s only a one lane country road. One way in and only one way out. It’s kind of like a steel cage match with relatives. And every bit as painful.

My mother is pretty darned adamant about everyone attending the Pence shindig. I didn’t go this past year because of my tonsillitis. I would be arriving around 10am and my sickness would be still be contagious for another 6 and ½ hours. I wouldn’t feel like getting up at 5am… Driving 3 and ½ hours up there… Sit around with 30 of my relatives in a house that feels like you’re in a rented apartment right over Hell with no air-conditioning… Having family-folk constantly asking things like… “Are you ever going to get married?”… “Why can’t you find a girlfriend?”… “Why can't you marry a cousin like everyone else?”… Then drive back home for another 3 and ½ hours. It’s all very tiring.

Why they’re always asking about girlfriends is beyond me… There’s a rule in effect with our family. You’re only allowed a significant other if you’re married or engaged. You think they’d be happy with one less family member thrown into the name/gift drawing.

I love my relatives, I really do. And I don’t know how I turned out the way I did with all those wholesome examples around me. 95% of them don’t smoke. 90% of them don’t drink. 99% of them don’t use narcotics of any kind.

I’d say that non-narcotic users would score 100%, but I’m holding onto a 1% margin for error.

I also think that 80% of them have never uttered the “F” word… Even in romantic situations.

I just don’t have a whole lot in common with many of my relatives on my mother’s side of the family. Everyone seems a little too religious and about half of them have a banana firmly planted up their tailpipes. If you know what I mean.

Most of us are diehard Washington Redskins fans and that’s about the only tie that binds us besides blood. I don’t know how I got to be so different from them. It must be the “Sims” in me.

The only time where it’s excusable for us not to be there… The weather. If it’s going to snow… You better believe that my mother won’t even look in West Virginia’s direction. If we’re there and she sees what appears to be a flake of snow… We’re packing up and out of there faster than Motley Crue can leave a dry county.

She doesn’t do snow, baby. All it took was being stuck on the roads for over 9 hours once and she was cured.

I will just have to make a point of cruising up there about April for a visit. The threat of snow and ice should be gone by then. Got to see those grandparents!

And here is my very favorite song by Queen with Harry Potter film stuff…


  1. Anonymous10:28 PM

    This is my favorite Harry Potter montage set to song...


  2. Anonymous10:07 AM

    Yes, You are correct..even on "your" death bed you are required to be at the Pence Family Christmas. I think Chloe and I were on our death beds this past year, and made the event. You would of been bored to tears this past year. We played three hours of Taboo. When Dustin got the word "Lingerie" he turned six shades of red and couldn't raise the percent of them that have never said the "F" word even during sex. Kevin reminded me that you need to lower the percent of people with narcotics.. thanks to Nathan!!

    Without ANY doubt in my mind, you got the "Sims" blood. Lucky you!!