Thursday, November 10, 2005

The Beatles 'Rubber Soul'

All right, I’m getting a little angry with Netflix. But that is to be expected with any relationship. There are going to be bumps in the road with any love affair. And that’s especially true when the honeymoon is over.

Well ladies and gentleman, the honeymoon is over and I’m starting to see the dark side of my beloved Netflix.

I went to the 5 at-a-time program for two reasons. One, since the colder months are here, I’ll be inside watching more movies instead of doing outdoor remote broadcasts with the radio stations that I work for. And two, I don’t like logjams and I try to keep the movies flowing at a rapid rate. I like to watch a flick the day it arrives and stick it in the mailbox on that same day. I like more bang for my buck and baby… And I’m a 50-caliber Howitzer canon! I want the same turnaround that I’m giving Netflix. And dammit, I expect it!

On this past Monday, they received 3 discs from me. On Tuesday, they should have shipped out the next three available titles on my queue. Wrong!

They shipped disc one of season five of ‘The Sopranos’, ‘The Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow’, and ‘The Talented Mr. Ripley’.

The other Soprano titles said they were available, what in the F@#K is going on? Why didn’t I get disc two and three of season five of ‘The Sopranos’?

Disc one of season five will not arrive (according to them) until Saturday. Meanwhile, as other discs are being returned, Netflix are shipping the rest of ‘The Sopranos’. And that would be totally cool, BUT!!!… Disc two should arrive on Friday and disc three will be here today, on Thursday. That’s COMPLETELY out of order!

Logjams are happening! I have to sit and wait until I can watch them in order as God intended. Logjams! Friggin’ logjams! I can’t have it!

But what choice do I have?

I can feel the gray hair pushing themselves out through my scalp. Am I making too much out of this?

I know that there are little hungry children in Ethiopia who don’t know the joy of Netflix and I should feel ashamed of myself. There are bigger and worse things going on around the globe and I should just be happy to be a part of the Netflix family, but the logjams. The damn logjams that are out of my control make me crazy.

I can’t get in touch with anyone… I don’t think. Netflix is a faceless conglomerate that I cannot reach by telephone or visit in person. What choice do I have except to bend over, grab my ankles, and ask for seconds?

I understand that computers take care of all the sending and receiving information, but there should be protocols in place to prevent receiving of out-of-sequence television seasonal discs. It’s enough to make me watch ‘Natural Born Killers’ in order to get juiced up for a highway killing spree.

Of course, I’m kidding. Instead, I’m going to boycott Aruba until that blonde white girl is found. That makes as much sense, doesn’t it?

Have you heard about that?

People are now boycotting Aruba until something breaks in the Natalee Holloway case or when she is found. That sort of crap should make any white supremist ashamed of their race. Are people really that stupid?

Lets face facts, shall we?

No one would care if she weren’t rich, white, and blonde.

This stuff happens all the time around us and we don’t care. Read your newspapers. A woman or man has probably suspiciously disappeared from your community within the last year and no one seems to care.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I must check my mailbox for Netflix envelopes.

Want to join my Netflix friends list?


  1. Anonymous11:57 PM

    You are wrong, Eugene. Little hungry children in Ethiopia do know about Netflix. They are the ones who ship out your movies ... for pennies a day. In fact, a worker named Tewodros was caught leaving the warehouse with some copies of The Sopranos on his person. We are sorry he has inconvenienced you. Netflix has made an example of Tewodros. We don't expect any problems to occur again in the future. Please, order more movies.

  2. Anonymous1:41 AM

    You're telling me that there is a rich, blonde white girl missing in Aruba?! There must be a way we can alert the media so that they can perhaps keep abreast of this shocking (and most unfortunate) tale. If they could find a way to update me on the situation's status daily.. well, that would be great! As to the Netflix delima, Tewodros did you a favor. The first 2/3 or so of season five were not so great. It starts slow, stays slow, picks up and then... time for season six. Then again, I didn't see the 1st season at all, so perhaps if I would have known more of the NJ-NY backstory I would not have found it all so tedious.