Monday, August 29, 2005

The Ramones 'Loco Live'

We had a special guest in the studio yesterday during the ‘Weather Dave and Will Bastard’ show, Gina from Chester’s ( She is totally at ease with the fact that she’s a stripper. Usually, you hear some strippers insist that they are “exotic dancers” or they just use “dancers” as a broad term. But, Gina didn’t have any chips on her shoulders about her job and she was great on the air.

During the first commercial break, the question about her enhanced breasts came up. Gina didn’t mind talking about them at all. So, never having felt fake boobs, I figured that it wouldn’t hurt to ask Gina if I could feel them on the air. She had no problem with it at all.

I explained to her and the Rock 92 listeners that it was purely scientific because, at the age of 38, I’ve had my hands on a few pairs in my life. All those babies that I’ve been lucky to touch in the past were real. I wasn’t trying to cop a cheap feel off Gina, I just was extremely curious.

With very little inhibition and no currency in my hands, Gina lifted up her top along with her bra. “Lovely” was the first word that came to my mind. Her breasts are about the size of grapefruits with tan lines. Mmmmmm…. Tan lines. Okay…. Seriously, it was for science and my own curiosity.

She was rather at ease as she took my hands and placed them directly onto her “girls”. Of course, I found this a little difficult at first because I usually have a dozen dates and a few empty vodka bottles under my belt to get to this base on the diamond. She placed her hands over mine, guiding me where and how to squeeze.

They didn’t feel like I expected them to feel. Sure, they didn’t feel real but they didn’t feel like softballs either. For some crazy reason, I expected them to feel and squeak like over-inflated beach balls. They felt soft and they had buoyancy too. They didn’t really move around that much. It was like squeezing “Nerf boobs” that just kind of stayed in one place.

I must admit that I was pleasantly surprised. I’ve always been a staunch “real boob” man. I’ve always felt that women shouldn’t feel that it’s necessary to enhance their beautiful bodies. Now, I don’t really have a preference. I can go either way on the boob issue. To the left or the right, if you will.

I think that it’s totally up to the woman as to what she wants and feels comfortable with when it comes to her breasts. She shouldn’t be bound to what society wants or feels that she should do with her “girls”. But, I know deep down that society plays a great deal in those decisions. I think that women put too much emphasis on their breasts because they believe that is what men what or they believe it will impact their job.

I can’t truly say because I’m not a woman. And if I were, I’d probably stay at home all day playing with my boobs (yeah, I stole it from the Steve Martin film ‘L.A. Story’).


  1. Anonymous3:26 PM

    Fake boobs make your pee smell funny.

  2. Anonymous3:28 PM

    No, wait, I'm confusing fake boobs with asparagus. Asparagus makes your pee smell funny. Disregard my previous comment.

  3. Anonymous5:19 PM

    Fake boobs can be bad, mmmmmmmkay? They sometimes leak and give you health problems. They can't do their job (feed babies) if they're fake.

    People place too much emphasis on breasts. But then again, I've considered having the size of mine reduced, so I don't know how it feels to be part of the itty bitty... committee.

    If a woman gets fake ones just to make herself attractive to men, well... she's the one who's attracted to boobs, and I don't mean breasts. Then again, if she does it for herself, or to reconstruct following a mastectomy, one can't argue too much with that.

    I will admit, though, that the curiosity factor about fake boobs is high. I worked at a lingerie show once, and one of the models had recently had herself augmented, and was talking about it with the group as we were changing clothes. I'm no lesbian, but when she offered to let us touch them, I have to admit that I had to do it out of curiosity. Your description is pretty accurate, although I didn't do quite the amount of exploration that you did.

  4. Who says that I did a whole lot of exploration???

  5. Anonymous7:54 PM

    She placed her hands over mine, guiding me where and how to squeeze.

    You did.

    I assure you, your exploration of the augmented boobies was much more thorough than mine was.

  6. Can I buy you a drink, Bebo?

  7. Anonymous7:52 PM

    I'm always up for some alcamahol.

    In fact, I'm going downstairs for some right now.