Radio Side Eye

I have worked in, out, and around radio for most of my adult life. But did you realize that I really don’t listen to the radio?

As a child in single digits, I started with a small transistor radio that I kept with me constantly. I listened to the top 40 AM stations. Then I listened to the AOR format back in the 70s and early 80s. And when that format went away, I lost just about all interest in radio. But a high school buddy got me hooked on listening to some morning guys on WKEW when he drove us to school in the mornings. The only thing we had on the Greensboro dial in the way of funny morning shows was on the country station. And most of the music they played drove me up the wall. Back then, Alabama would have me shooting the radio like Elvis shot TVs, but now I’m rather accepting of them. Who knew that would eventually change for me?

Anyways, I still listen to a local morning show. And I’ve been lucky enough to have worked with them as a producer. I started listening to them on “Day One” as most of their listeners say on the air. These days I only listen when I’m on the way to pick up a truck for a transfer to Wake Forest. After that or during a “best of”, I’m listening to one of my carefully cultivated playlists on Spotify. That is, if I have an auxiliary input available in the truck or van. If I don’t, I’m tuning in That Station 95.7 out of Raleigh as soon as I get to the 40/85 split in Hillsborough.

That Station is something I could actually find myself listening to. Give it a shot by listening online to see what I’m talking about.

One of the biggest reasons that I can’t stand listening to the radio is the lack of creativity. No one seems to put any work into it anymore. The jocks just tell us for the 5,316th time that we’re about to hear or have heard Aerosmith as if we have never heard the song for the same amount of times in our lives. For sake of all that’s holy about Gibson guitars, give us a nugget of information about the band or the song that we may not know. Just don’t go “Here’s Aerosmith on Tired Radio” or “Tired Radio with Aerosmith”. Jeez!

“That was the Supremes…” no effin’ kidding? I’ve only known that for my whole life since the song is as old as I am. Give me something like when it reached number one or when it first entered the Top 40 on the Billboard Hot 100. Ya know, that information can be found with a quick little search on something most of us are familiar with. It’s called the Internet, gramps.

Another thing that bugs me is the tidbits of pop culture information that has nothing to do with the song that played or is about to play. I don’t mind information that could be useful, but I don’t care about what some reality buffoon or athlete has done UNLESS they’re making a joke. Groan or guffaw, just go for it!

Radio is boring and predictable and downright annoying. I honestly don’t understand how people can listen to the same old stuff over and over.

I worked for a guy that liked to say things like “When I turn the faucet, I expect water. When I turn on classic rock, I expect classic rock.” I suppose that I can see that with a certain demographic out there, possibly the brain dead that enjoys hearing the same 400 songs over and over and over again. But toss in some unexpected tunes from time to time. I just can’t get excited about hearing “Black Water”, “Communication Breakdown”, or “Freebird” ever again. Drop in Saga’s “On The Loose” and boom! You’ve got my attention and it makes me want to listen for other forgotten ditties you might bounce off my eardrums.

I’ve embraced streaming. I’m sticking with it. And if radio, as a whole, doesn’t start swimming in the sea of creativity, it will perish. Advertising revenue sure isn’t what it used to be. Of course, that’s just my opinion. If you disagree, leave a comment. I’m open to differing opinions when it comes to just about anything.

I’ll leave you with the highest praise that I’ve ever gotten in the radio business…

New Job

Not so big news, but after almost 19 months I finally got a job offer outside of radio. I must admit, I didn’t think I’d EVER get another job offer. I got nothing but rejection or there were no calls or emails whatsoever. I was prepared to work in fast food because I’m not too proud. I realize that my rock radio days are pretty much over in this market, but my life is happy right here in Clemmons NC. Some guys don’t get it, but I understand. There’s a time that you’re not relevant on the air anymore or you just can’t hang with the wearing of many job hats at a big cluster. I’m not 30 anymore. And plus, no one has ever had faith in my abilities to carry anything. I usually got stuck as a call screener/producer or a fill-in until they got someone else to take the role permanently.

And I’ve even been a producer for someone that wanted to be a big sports broadcaster and yet had no desire to learn the craft from the bottom rung. Oh no, he wouldn’t dare do his own calling of the guests. He couldn’t be bothered to edit down his broadcasts for podcasting or replays. He wanted to have a staff with a station budget that wouldn’t feed an ant farm for a month. And fits! The man could throw a fit over the slightest thing. Once when some clients needed the main studio to record their show that ACTUALLY brought the station money, he yelled expletives and threw stuff around like an angry 6-foot toddler when the clients were just outside the studio door. Yeah, I had to deal with a real prima donna who had more practice at being a jerk than actual radio experience. But hey, those days are over.

Yep. I got a job where I’m only concerned about what I do. I have no one to deal with except for my bosses. I don’t have to worry about working with someone that thinks they’re God’s gift to radio. I don’t have to worry about someone being able to do their job without it coming back on me. It’s wonderful!

So, what am I doing?

I’m transferring vehicles for a national company. I get a call to transport a vehicle in the morning, drive to that location, leave Roxy (my pick-up truck) there, drive the vehicle to Raleigh, drop it off, and drive another vehicle back to the original location. It’s awesome!

And most of the vehicles have AUX inputs so it’s Spotify on the ride back from Raleigh where I get to spend some quality time with my sweet and finely constructed playlists like “Big House Mix”, “Yes, Virginia… It Was A Top 40 Hit”, “Run For Covers”, “No Lyrics Necessary”, “The LIVE Jukebox”, “Chicks, Man, Chicks”, “Grind Your Axe”, “Earbuds Mandatory”, “Real Comfortable Country”, “Homegrown NC Goodness”, “Oak Tree You’re In My Way”, and “Chasing Down The Blues”. It’s great because I don’t have to listen to the radio!

I know, I still work very part-time in radio, but I still find the majority of it stale. It’s all bland, repetitive, and fairly unimaginative. I listen to a former workplace’s morning show driving to the initial pick-up location and then to Raleigh. But I’d rather ride in silence on the way back or have my eardrums pierced by knitting needles than hear “One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer” followed by “Money For Nothing” followed by another song that we have ALL heard thousands of times. I wouldn’t even inflict that kind of thing on prison inmates. I honestly don’t know how people can do it every day and keep getting excited as if they are most jamming songs in the word.

“Stop, ladies and gentlemen! Just stop! We have all the perfect rock songs that we will ever need for the next foreseeable eternity. There’s no reason to keep writing more songs. We’re good. And here on this classic rock station, you’ll be able to hear all 400 of them over and over and over again. You’re welcome!”

So thanks to all the deities for smartphones, Spotify, and AUX inputs! And I’m very thankful to our friend and neighbor that suggested the job to me. He put in a good word for me and I got the job. Sadly, I didn’t get to give him my fullest, heartfelt thanks because he died a few days after telling me to get in touch with his supervisor. Thank you, Fred Barton, thank you. I sincerely appreciate your help.

Various Artists 'Girls Gone Wild Music: Volume 1'

In case you missed it, I’m “Bun People”. Bun People typically get most of their nutrition from foods featured in buns. Sandwiches, burgers, cheeseburgers, chopped BBQ, brisket, chicken, and so on. Bun People don’t require sides unless they have been deep-fried. And Bun People can eat on-the-go or standing around. The preferable setting is in front of the television.

But I also fall into another category… “The Picky Eater”.

As Chigger puts it, I eat like a toddler. Sure, I’ll try new things out but I’m very picky about what’s in the foods. I’m pretty much locked out of the worlds of Italian, Mexican, Thai, Spanish, Greek, and Japanese foods. I don’t eat peppers, onions, iceberg lettuce, tomatoes, carrots, and long list of other garden items. And when I find a restaurant that I like, I tend to order the same thing every visit. I rarely stray from the tried and true. I figure that if it has served me well, it’ll serve me well again. No surprises. No demands… Eating is a battlefield.

There’s a lot of free food that comes my way in the radio business. For the most part, it’s doughnuts and pizza with a good helping of bun foods. I’ve always been good with that, but I’m fully prepared for disappointment. I bring a “back-up meal” with me.

For some reason, people believe that everyone on the planet likes all the things that come standard with most foods. Generally speaking, lettuce, onions, and the worst offender of them all… Pickles. Those items are found on just about everything. It’s like restaurants are giving these disgusting things away with the purchase of anything on a bun.

Recently I ate a spinach salad while my coworkers chowed down on some mighty fine smelling pizza that was brought into work and baked before our eyes. Hot and fresh! And it smelled really, really good.

I didn’t have a bite.

I don’t bother with the “pulling things off” maneuver, because the once delicious items retain the flavors of things offensive to my palate. I simply can’t enjoy a food when meats, cheeses, and breads give me flavor pockets of vileness.

I just can’t wrap my head around why every pizza brought in featured a slew of garden items. Usually, there’s at least one plain cheese pie along with one that features just pepperoni. Sometimes, if I’m lucky, there will be one with 5 meats with no veggies.

It’s a curse that I have come to terms with. I rarely accept dinner invitations. Going to someone’s house for dinner is like playing Russian roulette with a fully loaded revolver. I don’t want to be rude so if I’m in that situation, I choke down the meal as fast as possible so that I can’t taste the offensive items. By fast as possible, that means very little chewing. And I have to deal with the foods again when the burps eventually come… Know what I mean?

Fruits are a different issue and that’s because they’re not really a main dish or used in those dishes. They can be easily avoided.

Some other foods were brought in for us to talk about on the air recently. We got sandwiches from a place known for their steak & cheese as well as their French fried potaters.

The fries were excellent! Skins on and fresh! I RAVED about their fries on the air.

I couldn’t say a word about the sandwich.

I meant to tell the salesman about my debilitating curse, but never got the chance. He ordered and delivered the food for the air “talent”. A-hem.

So the steak & cheese came loaded with onions, peppers, and tomatoes. I immediately handed it over to a coworker that seemingly has no qualms about eating such vile things. He was nice enough to half the sandwich with another coworker and they were VERY pleased.

The salesman came back later and asked, “What did you think of the sandwich?”

“The fries were awesome,” I replied. “The sandwich was passed off to Spencer. It was loaded with things that I don’t eat.”

I didn’t want anyone in that food chain to be offended. I just wasn’t asked what I wanted on the sandwich. No big whoop. I had my back-up meal in place… A spinach salad with chunks of tuna and all was good. No surprises. No demands.