Sunday, February 02, 2020

Don't Sniff Me Until Further Notice

Who purchases the soap in your home?

Here in the Big House, the MIL has taken it upon herself to keep the soap stocked up. It’s greatly appreciated. Soap is one less thing to agonize over when doing the weekly shopping. She keeps us stocked with bar and liquid soaps. Regular and anti-bacterial. She also keeps up with our family toothpaste demands.

But lately things have gone slightly awry in the shower department. At least for me, that is. The current bar of soap doesn’t have a pleasant scent. I use it, but I ain’t crazy about it.

For over a month, I ignored the unpleasant bar of soap. It was there, but the handmade soaps that Jamie purchased for everyone EXCEPT me were readily available for me to use. They made me smell pleasant. I was a deliciously fragrant beast. A pleasure to sniff.

I wasn’t too crazy about one of them though. There were like little wood chips in the dang thing. I could feel them scratching my skin. I just got a feeling that the soap was making microscopic cuts and I can’t have that. It could lead to some kind of infection, right??

Jamie says that the little wood chips were actually pieces of oatmeal. But they didn’t look like any Quaker Oats that I’ve ever seen.

But now the fancy handmade soaps have come to a sudsy end and I’m left with that white bar of funk. Sure, I could check the MIL’s stash for a better smelling bar, but I’m a man dammit! I need to man up and use that bar until there are no more suds to produce.

I want to ask where she got the soap, but I’m afraid of her follow up questions. She CANNOT answer a question until she questions your question. And she takes EVERYTHING so damn personally. The slightest critique becomes a major stick for her craw to get stuck on. Then her little passive aggressive button gets pushed and she’s no longer purchasing the soap. And if soap doesn’t make it to my grocery list, then the wheels come off the train and things are majorly derailed.

My favorite mass-produced soap is Zest. But the MIL gets whatever the hell she’s gonna get from the Dollar General “sale bin”. So that bar of funky soap is probably called Sezt or Etsz. I don’t know.

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