Wednesday, January 30, 2019

Sickness Abounds

Well, it appears that I’m sick again for the second time this fall and winter. And I’m not happy about. But then again, who is? I may get one sickness per year and that’s about it. I’m generally healthy through the fall and winters. But things are different this year.

I’m blaming my part-time gig at WTOB on Trade Street in downtown Winston-Salem. Every time I go in there someone has signs of sickness. Deep sickness. The kinds of sickness that may require a flamethrower in order to cleanse the building of all viruses and bacteria. The place has been the go-to place for sore throats, stuffy heads, nagging coughs, snotty noses, and syphilis.

I’m there on the weekends running the Carolina Thunderbirds hockey game broadcasts. And when I get settled in to my places of activity, I wipe EVERYTHING down to avoid the sickness. But it’s just too powerful. Those guys and girls must bring in Ebola style sicknesses into the building. No matter how much hand-washing I do, I contract something. I wipe down everything that I use. From keyboards to mouses. From the phone to microphones. From microphone cradles to hard surfaces that hands touch. From headphones to stools. From door knobs to light switches. It does not matter. Everyone comes in sick and leaves their super-sickness all over the place. One girl even left her coffee cup from McDonald’s in the broadcast booth. I asked Trev Allen, our intern, if it was his and he told me that it was left by the sicko that posted on social media that she went home immediately for chicken soup and sleep.

Once I gave a disgusted look at the offensive and germ-riddled cup, I immediately disposed of the remaining contents and slathered hand sanitizer all over myself. I even gargled some for good measure. But did it help?

Hell to the no infinity!

I work with some sick individuals, ladies and gentlemen. SICK! I urge you to stay away from the WTOB studios. Unless you’re equipped with a flamethrower, I wouldn’t even go near Trade Street in downtown Winston-Salem. And if you live near in and around downtown, you may want to think about boarding up the outsides of your windows and lining them on inside with plastic sealers. HAZMAT needs to be sent in. Do not make contact or even eye contact with Bob in the P.M., Rick O’Neill, Mark Richards, Candance Ray, or Don Mark. They’re sick! And their sickness spreads. Spreads like a wildfire! Oh sure, they seem friendly enough. But their sickness will take you over no matter how much Vitamin C that you’ve had. Not even hand sanitizers or cleaning wipes can destroy their winter funk.

If their sicknesses all got together to form a monster, it would crush Winston-Salem like Godzilla taking a stroll in Tokyo.

I’ve never worked at a radio station with so much repetitive sickness. And I don’t even make that much money. What I do make goes to fighting the funks that everyone gives me!

Just enjoy the broadcasts from home, work, and in your cars! Don’t go anywhere near the radio station unless you have won a prize that needs to be picked up in a timely fashion. And if you do, you’d better be wearing a HAZMAT suit. Just make that the suit is properly sealed and you have a shower waiting nearby.

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