Friday, July 27, 2018

The MIL Part One

As I have previously mentioned, Jamie and I moved to Davidson County with a Clemmons address. And it wasn’t too much longer that her mother moved in with us. Her husband got sick and when he finally went to see a doctor, there was nothing they could do for his cancer. He ignored all the little signs and when the signs got too big to ignore… Well, he was given a year to live. My mother-in-law helped him even after some pants-off drama that would tear apart the majority of marriages like Roseanne rips apart a successful television reboot. It wasn’t pleasant. It was difficult for her to stand by this man. But she didn’t want him to die alone.

After he passed, we packed her up and moved her in with us.

Now I know what you’re thinking… This isn’t the most ideal of situations. But for the most part, it works. She’s definitely a clean freak that WILL NOT rest her head until things are cleaned up. It doesn’t matter that I make everyone dinner and say, “I’ll clean it up after I eat.” I’m the last one to eat usually and sure enough, she has cleaned up my cooking mess in the kitchen. She does the laundry every day. If I put a shirt in the dirty clothes hamper today, I will most likely see it clean again tomorrow. She’s kind of obsessed about it really.

She’s a creature of habit… She usually has Ruby, our Roomba, fired up between 9:30 to 10 in the morning. She runs it in the main part. But instead of letting it run the full cycle, she’ll stop it. She’ll pick it up and move it to another part of the house after she empties the dust bin. And it must go where she desires. She tends to micromanage the damn thing by altering its course. Then it’s laundry time downstairs and she usually announces her intentions even though no one seems to be interested. But she does that a lot… “I’m going to use the bathroom.” “I’m going to go fix another drink.” “I’m going back inside.” "I'm going to shave my who-haa."

I’m not sure why she must announce every move or intention. I’m always saying things like “Good luck!” “Sounds good!” “What would the Democrats say?”

Then at Noon, she pauses for an hour to watch the local news on WXII. And then she scrambles like a tactical military team to unload the washer and put those clothes in the dryer. It must be done quickly before ‘Days Of Our Lives’ gets it soap on. An hour later, she’s folding laundry before parking it in front of the TV to watch her murder porn on the ID Channel.

And during the whole day, she asking our dogs “Do you wanna go outside?”

They don’t have to go out most of the time, but by golly, if they’re within 10 feet of the backdoor she is going to inquire.

If you were going to make a doll of her with a pull string to share her phrases, that one would be on top of the list. It would be followed by “Get down”, “Sh*t!”, “Do you want a pimento cheese sandwich?”, “Do you want a tomato sandwich?”, "I'm going to the bathroom", and “Get your baby, C.J.” And you could also toss some random thoughts that she must vocalize out loud.

And there’s the constant sound of her flip-flops going though the house. “flip, flip, flip, flip, flip” Now THAT is starting to drive me crazy. It is also starting to drive Jamie crazy because she never noticed it until my dumb ass mentioned it to her.

The place would go to Hades if she weren’t here. But I find her little quirks interesting and humorous. If I didn’t, I would go crazy. And one of the places that I found to be quite effective in dealing with her idiosyncrasies is Snapchat. Some of my snaps can be quite tasteless and that’s why I’m not going to share them with you here or anywhere other than Snapchat. There are a select few that get to see them so if you want in on the action, add me on Snapchat.

I’ll get back to some more MIL things next week. Until Monday my friends!

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