Saturday, September 19, 2015

The Beach Boys 'Live: The 50th Anniversary Tour'

I achieved a “first” over the weekend. It’s really not that exciting of a first since EVERYONE does it… I ordered lunch out of a food truck.

It was merely out of necessity. I didn’t pack a lunch since I didn’t think of it until I had to leave the house early Saturday morning. My peanut butter sandwich would have been a lot cheaper than my close to ten dollars experience, but it wasn’t all that bad.

Food trucks seem to be the thing these days. I’m sure if the Man/Boy Love Association had a food truck rodeo, people would lose their minds. But not in the right way, like protesting such an event. No. I do believe people would show up in droves just for the privilege of eating food prepared in a truck.

I’ve known people to go to these things and wait 45 minutes just to place their order. And that’s a STANDING wait!

Is that not crazy??

I saw no rhyme or reason to the process. There just seemed to be a pool of people standing around like herd animals in an invisible pen. I found a place that looked like the end of some line and a hipster couple was determined to get in front of me.

She said, “I believe that I was here before you.”

“You know,” I said trying to give her a face that put across an idea of caring less, “I’m sure that will speed up the process. Ordering a minute before I do will make all the difference in the world. So please, be my guest.”

The guy behind me whispered to me, “She’s a bitch. All she’s done is put down her husband.”

So yeah… With no apparent line, the food truck bully comes shining through. Stanchions would have been nice. I mean, if you’re gonna herd people at these food truck rodeos you may as well guide them to keep the masses from fighting and scraping about their places in line.

And once I placed the order, I just stood around listening to hipsters pontificate on things like books, vinyl records, beer, and food trucks. I wanted to wash that hipster stink from body, but Calgon never took me away.

One hipster girl had a t-shirt with Vladimir Lenin and a bottle of Heinz 57 ketchup. The image was red on white. And yes, that got her a few chuckles from her hipster buds that were cool enough to “get” the t-shirt.

I felt slightly out of place with my WVU polo and Samsung Galaxy III-S.

Eventually, my order came up. I had a “Breakfast Burger” that had cheese, a fried egg, and to top it off the choice of bacon or sausage. I went with bacon because sausage just seemed bigger and saltier.

It was good, but I would have rather had a Thickburger from Hardee’s where the wait is a lot shorter… Believe it or not. I could feel the gray hair pushing through my scalp during the wait.

I had limited choices at this event over the weekend. There was some kind of pita truck where nothing on the menu looked pleasing to me. Then there was this silver truck (more like a trailer) with “monster” decals on it and the menu was too pricey. The other one was just right. It had stuff that I would eat and the prices were right there with a sit-down restaurant.

Over all… My expectations of the food coming from that particular food truck didn’t live up to the hype that was given to me by friends. Yes, yes I’m sure that if I got the one with peanut butter and spicy jelly everything would have been rosier. When ten bucks is on the line with something I’ve never tasted, I’m not going there. I’m just not. I prefer to be risky with my drinking and sex.

I didn’t get the clouds parting with angels singing like a choir when I took that first bite from food truck grub. Cherubs didn’t rush in to tickle my neck as the food was being swallowed. Jesus wasn’t there to pat my back so that I could burp. I saw nor tasted anything that made me want to attend a food truck festival… I believe “rodeo” would be the correct term since it attracts so many sheeple.

But hey, some people like the novelty. I’ve seen food trucks my whole life, but never ate from one unless you count the Airliners that are in a permanent spot. I have eaten from my fair share of those roadside stands.

And that’s all I think it is… Novelty. It’s new to some people and for some others, it seems to be a way of proving one’s “foodieness”.

I’ll pass unless it’s out of necessity.

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