Friday, September 04, 2009


Jamie and I were invited over to Walter and Tina’s house this past Saturday evening. It was a dinner invitation with drinking and not so deep conversation to follow. And the weather was perfect for it.

We were instructed to bring a dinner item along with a desert to go along with turkey. That’s right. Tina was roasting a big ass turkey in the oven. Her first and that joker was moist and delicious.

We were also instructed to bring whatever we wanted to drink. We picked up Melissa and stopped at the grocery store along the way for booze. After a quick phone call, we could add cranberry sauce to our list.

I had committed myself as designated driver that evening. So I could have one drink early in the evening and ride it out to sobriety. It’s a system that has always worked for me. I get a quick buzz before eating and I sober up once dinner starts hitting the bloodstream.

In my mind, I went through all the possible alcoholic beverage choices that are offered by the Food Lion in Pilot Mountain. I narrowed it down to a few in the size that I wanted.

For some reason, I wanted a malt liquor in the 40 ounce size. A twenty-two ounce pansy beer just wasn’t going to cover the check and I wouldn’t feel satisfied with a couple of 12 ounce singles. I needed at least 32 ounces of something with a stiffer punch.

“What do you want?” Jamie asked me before slipping out of the car.

“Can you get me…” I hesitated for a moment. “Can you get me a forty ounce King Kobra?”

“I’m not getting you a malt liquor!” she snapped back at me.

“How about a Miller High Life forty?” I asked a little louder.

We were arguing about it as she was leaving the car. After she shut the door and proceeded to walk into the store, Jamie was still saying things that I couldn’t hear. I got the distinct feeling that she remained adamantly against my choice of beverage.

Jamie had her window rolled down and I yelled toward her, “I NEED A FORTY, WOMAN!”

It was also at this time when I realized that there was a car to our right with a parking space between us. There were people inside. A black woman and her two daughters were sitting in a blue Jeep Cherokee and laughing about what I yelled out at Jamie.

And people wonder why I don’t embarrass easily.

Jamie and Melissa went to the Food Lion register with a jar of cranberry sauce, a handful of lemons, a 12 pack of Bud Light Lime, and a 40 ounce King Kobra.

Jamie would’ve liked to have known what the cashier thought about two white chicks and their shopping items. Especially since the cashier had a smirk on his 16 year old face during check out. I can’t say that I really blame him, because you just don’t see shoppers with tastes like that every day.

And thanks to Walter and Tina for the invite and delicious turkey. A Thanksgiving anytime of year is a pretty cool idea.

Here's a picture that Melissa took of Tina with me in the background.


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