Friday, December 19, 2008

White Town 'Women In Technology'

Have you finished your Christmas shopping yet?

I finished up my last bit of walking through the shopping land of wonder with people coming to a dead stop right in front of me just to look at a display of BOD, folks more prepared to stick a blade between a grandmother’s ribs to be first at the newly opened register, and the usual amount of a-holes not paying attention to what they’re doing or where they’re going.

Yes sports fans, I despise Christmas shopping. I despise driving anywhere near shopping centers during this time of year. I despise it all.


Because people don’t have their minds anywhere inside their thick skulls when it comes Christmastime. They become mechanical, cutthroat drones in an army dedicated to Madison Avenue and the corporations that it represents. Factions within factions will revolt against each other to acquire the last “Ejaculate On You” Elmo. Blood is spilled to grab the latest and limited Hannah Montana’s “Little Slut” make-up kits while the new Guns n’ Roses CD’s sit idly by unwanted and unloved (but I suppose that can be a positive thing).

This time of year really irritates me.

Folks invite me to church and to “Happy Birthday Jesus” parties. I end up spending more than I can afford on family (sadly, I cannot afford friends or the adults in the family this year due to my unemployment). And to top it all off, I have to get my truck inspected during this stressful, hateful time.

Everyone that I could afford to put on my list are now all taken care of. I owe my friend Christine a big thanks for helping me knock out the bulk of it. For some reason, she likes getting out there and shopping. She refuses to get help.

The coolest thing I found is for my father… I got him the Jenna Jameson nutcracker. He has no idea who she is, but he likes nuts as much as Ms. Jameson does.

The nutcracker looks just like Ms. Jameson and you lay it down on her back. Her legs automatically spread open so that you can place the nut in the wide and accommodating vagina. Then you clamp the legs together and the nut is cracked.

The box says that “Men and women will enjoy busting a nut with Jenna”… Whatever that means.

I may just have to go out for a half gallon of Egg Nog, a fifth of Jim Beam (btw… They’ve signed on again with Robby Gordon Motorsports… Yay!), and put on my vinyl copy of Liberace’s Christmas album to improve my holiday mood. I may even watch my favorite holiday movie… Die Hard.

--Why did I resist watching 30 Rock for so long?

The show is damn hilarious!

I’ve been catching up on seasons 1 and 2 at the Netflix website.

I’ll tell you more later about my viewing habits… Hint: I no longer have DirecTV.

Netflix friend callout…


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