Sunday, May 11, 2008

Warren DeMartini 'Crazy Enough To Sing To You'

I’m not trying to sound like a braggart or anything like that… I’m a concert veteran. Although I’ve lost many of my ticket stubs over the last few decades, I have been to at least a thousand concerts. I know my way around the majority of the concert venues in this area. I can usually tell you what is going to happen onstage just by watching and observing. And I generally have a good idea about the type of crowd attending the concert. In short, I have seen it all.

But I was not prepared for what I saw last Friday night at the Greensboro Coliseum.

The Rowdy Frynds tour with Lynyrd Skynyrd & Hank Williams Jr. pulled into town. The word “rowdy” never really tipped me off. I thought they were just using the word to boost ticket sales and make a play on the song by Hank Jr. I had NO idea that people actually lived the “rowdy” lifestyle until the other night.

I escorted two ladies that had warned me in advance about getting their “neck on”. I was fine with that… I mean after all… I did get an eyeful when one of the ladies flashed her breasts to the other rowdy frynds in the building.

We were sitting upstairs near the top of the building… A place that I have never sat before during a concert. Or any event for that matter. But from what I saw… Folks in the nosebleeds are the craziest mofos that I’ve ever seen!

I saw things that not only astonished me, but made me cringe.

First of all… Sitting in front of us was a girl dancing all over the place. She was squirming to every beat that Lynyrd Skynyrd were amplifying into our eardrums. She was twisting like a fly strip in the wind. She was wearing some sort of bustier that appeared to be made of leather or recycled cardboard. Her boobs were practically spilling out over the thing. She was making out with her rowdy frynd that appeared to be female for the most part. A few minutes later, I got confirmation of her girlness when she exposed her small breasts to the entire upper quarter of the Greensboro Coliseum. That’s when the wiggle chick decided to join in and exposed her breasts as well. Unlike her friend that had perky and lovely breasts… Ms. Bustier’s areolas were long and drawn out like road kill smears on the highway. I didn’t care that those two were kissing and fondling each other with their tops off… I had been slightly grossed out.

Here’s a picture of the wiggle chick:

I wish that I had at least one percent of the alcohol sales the other night because 2 out of 3 people upstairs were stumbling like a roomful of toddlers. I watched people toss their AA coins towards the stage just before pouring a beer down their throat.

I was watching with great anticipation of seeing a magnificent nose dive as one woman tried to make her way down the stairs. Fortunately for her, she made it without tasting a good bit of concrete. People were drinking as if all the laws of the land were repealed for just one night. Folks were dancing everywhere they could find space. They were high-fiving each other. They were having sex in the aisles. The smell of marijuana filled the rafters of the Greensboro Coliseum.

It was insane!

Towards the end of Hank Jr.’s set… A certain individual was pointed out to me. He was obviously drunk and friendless. He was sitting on the steps with his pants and underwear around his ankles… The highest fashion statement that any Hank Jr. fan can make.

He sat with his naked ass on the concrete, his arms resting on his knees, slightly swaying, and trying to fight the urge to pass out. With no provocation or opening of his eyes, he suddenly stood up and showed the world his little “rowdy frynd”. He then pulled up his pants and we could see why he wanted to get shed of them… He had pissed himself! The pants were wet from the crotch down as if the Three Stooges had given him a panted seltzer water colonic.

He never opened his eyes as he moved across a row of seats before getting picked up by the security guards. The ladies with me thought it was sad… I looked at as entertainment. I was a voyeur in a world that I have never seen.

Here’s a picture that I snapped while he sat on the steps:

A couple of songs later, a fight broke out in front of me that looked bigger and better than any theatrical fight scene. There were at least 8 guys in a free-for-all brawl! Guys were sent over the handrails, rolled down steps, stomped, punched, eye gouged, and kicked. It was AWESOME! I was as giddy as a Japanese school girl as a dude 3 rows in front of me was being stomped and kicked in the head. The sheer brutality of this small violent, hurricane group of individuals was beautiful to observe. And that’s exactly what I did… Like the nature films… The observer should never get involved.

The night was wild. The night was lawless. The night was filled with wanton abandon and I cannot wait for Skynyrd and Hank Jr. to come back!

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