Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Various Artists 'TWANG! A Tribute To Hank Marvin & The Shadows'

I like to “people watch”. And often times while people watching… My eyes will witness great feats of dumb-ass-ery. I’m a big fan of dumb ass like behavior. It makes me feel good to know that I’m not alone.

I like watching the dumb-ass-ery on Cops (one of the few reality shows I enjoy). I like the dumb-ass-ery in those Jackass movies. I like the dumb-ass-ery on shows like Scarred and other ones like it. Who doesn’t like watching dumb asses injure themselves?

I’ve injured myself with my very own brand of dumb-ass-ery too. I’m no better than anyone else… I’ve got LOTS of stories about my own dumb-ass-ery.

With that being said…

I recently stopped at the Food Lion store near where I live. When I got out of my truck, Roxy… I noticed an older gentleman talking on a cell phone and kicking at an empty plastic bag across the parking lot. So I leaned against Roxy’s tailgate and decided to watch the dumb-ass-ery unfold. In my mind, what I was witnessing had the promise of injury.

The older gentleman, somewhere around his late 50’s, had apparently gotten out of his car and was having a conversation on his phone. I watched him struggle against the wind as he kicked and shoved the bag with his foot. He did this across the empty throughway from one row of parking spaces to the next. I was perplexed. I didn’t know what that joker was doing.

He kicked and shoved the bag over to the shopping cart corral. Once he got the bag into place, he clumsily shoved it with his foot under part of the corral hoping that the wind wouldn’t blow it away. I thought maybe this cat was going to get into his car and drive away.

He didn’t.

Instead, he kept his phone conversation going as he turned towards the store. He was halfway when he got off his phone and wouldn’t you know it… He passed a trash can AND a plastic bag recycle bin when he walked through the automatic doors.

All that energy he wasted when all he had to do was pick up the plastic bag and deposit it in the proper receptacle before entering a store.

Ladies and gentlemen, I submit to you… Dumb-ass-ery.

He couldn’t have been a germ freak worried about picking up some bad ones… Because I saw him in the meat department shortly after that picking up packages of meat and then licking his fingers to turn the pages in his small notebook. Then I saw him later in the wine department juggling packages of meat against his chest, holding his notebook, talking again on the cell phone, and choosing a bottle of vino.

In my opinion, I don’t know how he got to be as old as I think he is without Darwinism taking him from us.

1 comment:

  1. Anonymous7:21 PM

    Dumbassery is great indeed. Nothing beats watching a person make a complete ass of themseleves.

    However, there is a bit of dumbassery I'm totally against, and that my friend, is the dumbassery of Steve-O. What a tragedy his dumbassery is.

    Dumbassery. What a cool word.