Scorpions 'Humanity: Hour 1'

Today’s musical choice is the new CD from the Scorpions. At first, I got the distinct feeling of disgust when I saw who had their hands in the recording and production… It was Desmond Child. A man guilty of making and producing inferior hard rock. His resume’ includes songs written and produced with Bon Jovi, Cher, and Michael Bolton. He’s even responsible for some crappy KISS tunes as well… Except for “I Was Made For Lovin’ You”. That’s a classic and his one “right” thing.

Desmond Child is responsible for some of the worst hard rock ever made. Desmond Child is responsible for the descruction hair metal. He made “pop” metal songs for the masses. He made hard rock acceptable for even your mother to sing along with. If you truly wanted to piss off your parents… Or if you just had good taste… You steered clear of anything with Desmond’s name attached to it.

Being the KISS fan that I am, I purchased those CD’s despite my obvious good taste. Like my friend Tim Beeman has always said, “You can’t say you’ve got them all unless you’ve got them all.” And I’ve got them all except for all those various “greatest hits” collection. You want a good KISS “greatest hits”, get yourself a copy of their ‘ MTV Unplugged’ release.

Or if you’re looking for a couple of KISS songs to whet your appetite by downloading for a nominal fee… May I suggest my “greatest hits” list off the top of my head…

“All The Way”
“Parasite”
“Every Time I Look At You” (unplugged version)
“Rock Bottom” (with intro)
“I Still Love You” (unplugged version)
“Childhood’s End”
“Calling Dr. Love”
“Rip It Out” (Ace Frehley’s 1978 solo LP)
“Shandi” (Alive IV symphony version)
“Sure Know Something” (unplugged version)

I apologize about my tangent… Let’s get back to the new Scorpions CD… So I was too thrilled to see Desmond Child’s name on the new Scorpions CD. But the sh*t’s pretty damn good!

--I recently had a dream that would make FBI Special Agent Dale Cooper so envious, he would turn redder than any cherry pie filling.

In my dream… I paid a visit to myself. A mirror image of myself came walking up and started talking to me. We spoke a little about loss of love and friends. We talked about my cat Monroe and what must be done soon. We talked about random bullsh*t.

During a rather lengthy discussion, my mirror image broke some news. He said, “Eugene. I was sent here to give you one of the secrets of life. A secret for lifelong happiness and fulfillment. If you follow this one piece of advice, it will never lead you astray…"

I told my twin that I would use the secret wisely.

He said, "CHEEEEEEESE burgers are always better than HAAAAAMMM burgers.” And then my doppelganger disappeared.