The Non-Conformist Cult Radio Show 6/14/04

Man… I’m sick of this hot weather. I’ve never been a fan of summer… I’m a fall and winter kind of guy. The heat seems to make me wanna give up on life. It screws with my asthma. It’s oppressive. It’s smothering. At least, that’s the way it seems. When it’s cold, it seems like my body wants to live. It fights back with shivers and it just feels like it’ll do anything to stay alive.

And like my father used to always say… “I can put on enough to keep warm, but I can’t take off enough to keep cool.”

I haven’t seen my cat Monroe today. Since spring arrived, she’s decided to stay outside 24/7. And that’s not like her. She’s a lot like me… She’s never been a fan of the great outdoors. She hates the heat and when it snows, she won’t go outside at all. Suddenly, she’s changed all that. I’m thinking she has ulterior motives… Like dying soon.

Mo (as I call her), is 19 years old. That’s a damn good old age for a cat! So every time that I see her in the driveway, I’m surprised. I keep expecting NOT to see her, because you know what cats do when they get old, don’t ya?

They go off somewhere to die alone.

So of course… With not seeing her today… So far… I suspect that she’s fallen victim to her daddy’s (me) opinion… It’s so hot that you just want to die. Not that I could blame her.

I’ve actually thought about taking her on that last ride to have a veterinarian put her down, but I'm taking Kristina’s advice and I’m letting her exit life on her terms. Damn her and her reasonable thinking! I just didn’t want her going off on her own to meet her maker without really knowing what happened to her. Nikki did that and I didn’t like it. Sure… There’s no real sense of sadness when they do that, but I kind of wish I knew that she went peacefully instead of getting stuck in the tire tread of some dump truck.

Now that I’ve written it out… Maybe those cats are doing us a favor. The loss seems more tolerable.

All I know is this… I don’t really want anymore cats. Of course I write this knowing full well there will always be a cat in my future, but I really don’t want one. I've broken myself of “needy” dogs and I would like that feline monkey off my back.

Yeah… I’m totally over dogs. Why people want them…? I just don’t understand. They need someone to walk them. They want constant attention. They need bathing. You got to feed and water them. They have bad breath and they pant constantly. Their just as bad as children and who needs that?

Oh sure… They won’t embarrass you some day by working in the porn industry… Or God forbid, radio… But they’ll find their own way. Like when the Reverend comes over for dinner and the dog won’t keep his nose out of his or her crotch. Dogs will do that kind of crap. They don’t care.

And I work with a lot of people that bring their dogs to the radio station… I don’t mind at all. I just don’t make “friends” with the dog. I may speak to them, but I sure as hell don’t pet them. I treat them just like infants… They’re better off away from me. No fuss, no muss, and no attachments.

I can’t remember if I ever told this story… But here goes…

When I was a young lad, I remember asking my Uncle Grey why dogs went around sniffing each other’s butts… He sat down and told me a tale… So to speak.

Years ago… Before there were people… Dogs lived in towns and cities… They even had schools! And when all the dogs went to school, they would put their butt holes up on something like a coat hook.

One day… There was a horrible fire at the school. All the dogs panicked! They ran around in circles. They were afraid and when they fled the burning school… All the dogs just grabbed any butt hole they could find from the wall. And to this day, they’ve been looking for their own butt hole.

Ahhhhh…. That’s priceless. I plan on passing on Uncle Grey’s story.

I will keep you posted on Monroe.