Sunday, July 29, 2007

Richard Kastle 'Streetwise'

I just got back from Target. I don’t hate that place at all… Unlike the other place that shall remain nameless. I’ll get to the reasons why I don’t cotton to that other place in a bit… But I am getting a little irritated with Target.

Every time I go in there with something in mind… I wander around aimlessly looking for what I want. I’m pushing around a cart or I’m swinging my little red basket like a six-year-old with a string looking and looking. Sure, I look in the most logical places at first only to find that it’s somewhere else when I ask a clerk. And usually, it’s in some place that seems a little skewed for even my warped mind. Or perhaps that’s the problem?

For instance, I needed a new laundry basket. Mine has seen its share of duty over the last 10 years and its falling apart like 1973 AMC Gremlin.

So where do I start looking…. Hmmmm… How about near the detergents and household cleaning supplies area? That makes sense… At least to my puppy-like brain.

Nothing. I found Tide, Cheer, and Purex… I even found plungers, but I didn’t see any laundry baskets.

So I headed to the household section. I found things that suck, like vacuums… And I also found various items like CLOTHES HAMPERS, but I didn’t spy one single laundry basket.

Finally, I found a clerk and asked her, “Where in the honey baked hell (Yes, Jeff K… I use it frequently) are the laundry baskets?”

“Those can be found in the plastics section,” she said while pointing a finger in that direction.


Plastics section?” I asked. “I don’t see any sign over a section with the word Plastics on it.”

“It’s the Household Storage section,” she said while blinking rapidly and keeping her finger pointing to that area.

I didn’t ask, but I thought to myself… Do people actually store laundry?

I quickly shook it out of my mind like sand from a shoe, grabbed my impulse item (a new pillow that I needed), got my laundry basket, snatched some Tide, and picked up a Gift Card for my sister’s birthday today. It took a little longer than I wanted and took off about a mile’s worth of shoe leather… But I got my laundry basket that I need for the next 10 years and I’m all good, baby.

The other night, I hit the “other place” that I don’t like with my friend Robin. She needed to lay in some supplies and that “other place” was close. Once we arrived, I explained to her my fears and apprehensions about the place… She said, “Lets go to Target… It’s just right over there.”

I decided that I needed the experience and for fun, I could check off a few items from Jeff Kay’s Game found here at The West Virginia Surf Report. There’s absolutely no thrill like seeing a Dale Earnhardt sticker on a neck brace, let me tell ya.

Of course we were in the most dangerous location of them all… Wendover. And luckily, I only heard 2 gunshots ring out through the parking lot during the walks to and from my truck Roxy. (I’m kidding folks… No gunshots. Just the sounds of people gurgling with their necks slit open.)

All right… Here’s what I detest about the place…

First of all… Why is there so much gum littering the entrance ways?

Gum is all over the pavement. Gum is all over the entrance carpet inside. Are most of their customers too excited about entering their “hallowed” aisles that they simply cannot keep gum from falling out of their mouths? What is the frackin’ deal, man?

Secondly… The usual customers apparently think that they are the only people in the store. Oh sure, it’s crowded as hell, but some people seem oblivious to the fact that others are in fact sharing the same 50 square feet of space. They’ll come to an abrupt dead stop in the middle of a busy aisle to look at the latest DVD from Larry The Cable Guy. I’ve witnessed some people actually leave their carts in a busy aisle to look at something 10 feet away. Do these usual customers not think?

And thirdly… Why does this place have to cram everything they can into the busy aisles that I’ve been talking about?

The aisles may be about 10 feet wide, but once you unload 4 pallets of Fiddle Faddle into the middle… There’s only about 2 feet clearance on either side. Ample enough space for the usual customer to leave their cart unattended and in the way while looking for that perfect Grave Digger necktie.

Jeez… I absolutely HATE going there.


  1. Anonymous1:11 PM

    You mentioned no name, and no identifying markers except that this place is on Wendover... but as soon as you mentioned that there was a store, and you hated it, I had a feeling that it was the place I too hate with a fiery passion. Reading further, it became obvious that these stores were one in the same. (To be fair, I am not a fan of Target either. It just never seems to have, plus I know I can get things cheaper at store-that-must-not-be-named.)

    It's the customers, how I loathe them. Really, I could handle the store (cheap prices, loads of merchandise. I can get everything I need in one trip) if not for the people (and perhaps some of their business practices, but that is a discussion for another time). They are all moving around in a daze, like they have never seen merchandise before. "Ooooh, pretty boxes!"

    I once read a story about cows in a slaughterhouse, and how they just follow along, taking in whatever comes, totally oblivious to what is happening around them. The next day I was in said store and realized the startling similarity between the article and the scene I found myself a part of. People, people everywhere, and all of them in my way, just ambling around, cow-eyed and slow. Don't they realize stopping in the dead center of the aisle is just rude? I am a get-in-and-get-out kind of shopper, and these people are cramping my style!

    Other things I hate about that place, they usually have (with the exception of one other store, also nameless, also located on Wendover) the dirtiest bathrooms I have ever seen. A side effect of the endless stampede of customers? Maybe. But you would think some of the 200 employees (all conveniently located NOT on a register) could get on that.

    Of course, I complain, but I have a list of items I need to get, so I will probably be heading out there before the day is done. (Not Wendover though, with all of the new ones popping up, I'd like to never enter that one again.) The things I put up with for cheap computer paper and socks.

  2. Anonymous1:25 PM

    I'm not fond of that store either. I went there at around 11:30 pm last weekend since I decided that I couldn't wait for my special pre-ordered delivery book last Saturday.

    As I was walking up to the entrance, this little four-year-old boy came running out of the store, crying. He ran straight into the parking lot. I caught him, and took him in to customer service. The "greeter" just stood there like she hadn't seen him zooming past her. Idiot.

    After about 10 minutes, the kid spotted his grandmother, who was oblivious to his absence. After making sure he was OK (and holding my tongue so I wouldn't call her a stupid *unt), I went back to get in line for my book.

    1. Why in heaven's name does anyone take a child to the bigass superstore at 11:00 pm? That child should have been in bed hours ago.

    2. Why didn't they freak out and try actually looking for the kid when he went missing?

    3. Why did the store employee let the kid run out of the store?

    4. Why didn't I just drop the kid at customer service and go on back and get in line? I could have obtained a much better position in line, dammit.

  3. Anonymous4:08 PM


    Kevin hates going to the "other" place as well. I do believe that Kevin would rather you pin his eyelids to his forehead and drop acid into his eyes before he would want to step foot back into "that" place. He worked for "that" place many, many years ago and I believe along with the fact that Kevin can't go in there without getting into some kind of arguement with some employee over something stupid that he can't seem to locate.

    I on the other hand love Target and the "other" place. I have no "beef" with either place.


  4. Anonymous8:05 PM

    It seems that in my quest to write the longest comment ever, I forgot to mention that what Target never has is "what I am looking for."

    Also, it seems that in the time between my last comment and this one, the whole commenter verification/sign-in thing has changed.) "tpfkhxmb" is the hardest thing I have had to type all day.

  5. A relative got her purse snatched away from her in broad daylight while pushing her cart to her car at the WalMart on Wendover. That's always on my mind now if I go to any of their stores. I try to avoid them if at all possible.

  6. Anonymous11:05 PM

    Chiming in a little late here, but I also have strong feelings about WalMart. First and foremost, that Sam Walton is turning over in his grave over what his heirs have done to his company. But that's another gripe...

    As far as my own personal shopping experience goes, my main problem is with WalMart customers rather than the store itself. That place just seems to attract uncouth assholes with no regard for anyone but themselves.

    Case in point: Last week, upon returning to our car, we saw that someone had dumped an entire bag of fast food leftovers and trash right in front of our passenger-side door. My daughter literally had to straddle the mess in order to get in the car. There was a van full of people next to us and I don't know for sure, but I *suspect* they were the nasty litterbugs. I voiced my complaints to my daughter loudly, about disgusting, low-class people who were too lazy and self-centered to dispose of their trash properly. The people in the van couldn't help but hear me. If my rant didn't apply to them, good for them. But if it did, I hope they got an earful.

    Case #2 was just today. Found a decent parking spot, tried to pull in, and there was a shopping cart blocking the way. This was literally 1 parking space over from the cart corral. Some selfish asshole couldn't be bothered to walk around ONE car to put the cart where it belonged.

    WalMart customers really chafe my ass.

  7. Anonymous5:17 AM

    I see your dirty parking lot and raise you a kid literally peeing outside of our car! They had just... left... the... store! The kid was like 12! He told his mom he had to pee, and instead of accompanying him back into the store while the grandmother loaded the van, she instructed him to just piss in the parking lot.

    I saw him standing there but thought he was just too dumb to get into the car. Then when my mom gets into our car she was all, "Did you see that?!" Having no idea what she meant, I just shook my head. Then she explained and I was dumbfounded. On what planet is this acceptable behavior?!

    So, much like Christine above me, I went off on a loud rant about how that was just gross and some people have no home training and should not be allowed to procreate, because all they do is produce more people with no home training! I wanted to get out of my car and gut-punch them both.

  8. I had no idea that people were so passionate about this subject... It brings a tear to my eye.