Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Kick Axe 'Vices'

While exercising to this CD today (the blog’s title for the day is also the choice of tunes for the whole day), I came up with a wonderful idea!

I was in my prime for the most part of the eighties. A sexually active teenager, underage drinking before nineteen, and that privilege at nineteen taken away from me when the U.S. imposed the “21 for ALL alcohol” campaign. I grew my hair out, listened to KISS when it wasn’t cool, and refused to watch ‘Miami Vice’. I was perfectly happy with ‘Falcon Crest’ because it was funny, almost a parody.

Sure, I watched ‘Different Strokes’… But I watched it while lusting over Dana Plato’s hindquarters wrapped with a thin, tight layer of Gloria Vanderbilt jeans. And, I’d do it again!

I’ve also been attracted to loud rock n’ roll bands. I LOVED KISS when I was growing up. KISS are over the top and like any good accident scene, they repulse the innocent who cannot bear witness to such a thing. And there are those of us who love every blood soaked moment of it. Unfortunately, people can now actually sit right down the middle with KISS. When I was a teenager, KISS were no longer threatening to Baptists who deemed them as devil worshippers. In fact, I was sure that they bowed to another god by the name of “Money”.

I love Alice Cooper for many of the same reasons. I also loved his ability to tell you a story in a song both on record and in the live setting. His shows were theatrical…

I’m starting to deviate here, aren’t I? I’m the self-proclaimed bad boy of Rock 92. I can whatever I want… to a degree.

Here’s the idea… “Heavy Metal Aerobics”.

That Kick Axe CD is groovy keen, Daddy-O! A lot of 4/4 songs filled with harmony, layered with over the top goodness, and possesses a punch like Thomas “The Hit Man” Hearnes. While I was working my fat ass off and sweating like I was on death row, that damn CD kept me moving, baby.

I’m sure there are plenty of heavy metal hotties out there now all married and with kids. 20 years ago, they would expose their breasts to Ratt, Poison, and Bachman-Turner-Overdrive. Today, only “Jerry Beads” will spring the shirt up for a showing of the Picasso twins.

So, lets get them out and exercising to a heavy metal beat! And that goes for us guys, too! It’s a damn good workout so do yourself a favor and purchase a copy of Kick Axe’s ‘Vices’. Even if you’re not a fan of such things, Kick Axe can also be viewed as a parody like Spinal Tap. They have way too many songs with what my cousin Dan Lively ( refers to as “cheerleading”. Kick Axe are like a laid back version of Andrew W. K. when it comes to “cheerleading” hard rock. And in the same spirit of CMJ Magazine… RIYL (recommended if you like): Judas Priest, Slade, Pink Floyd, UFO, Iron Maiden, Sweet, and Mel Torme’.

Yes, the lead singer will occasionally “scat” like he was a jazz singer in front of a very noisy, obnoxiously melodic hard rock band. They are loud. They are powerful and beautiful at the same time never forgetting the true nature of the song and it’s spirit. And like I said, 4/4 songs for easy working out when you need a beat… It’s a very interesting album to get to know when you need your attention diverted from the fact that exercising sucks!

I really want a beer now and ‘Newhart’ on DVD.


  1. Anonymous7:53 PM

    Remember it used to be 18 for beer and wine, 21 for liquor? And then they raised it to 19 for beer and wine?

    Well, guess when they raised it to 21 for everything - *on* my 19th birthday. September 1, 1986.

    August 31, 1986 was spent with friends drinking up their last legal beers before the law changed at midnight - and me fuming that I should have been able to buy my first legal beer at midnight, but couldn't.

    Yeah, I'm still a little bitter over that one. (And I don't even like beer - it was the principle of the thing.)

  2. Anonymous7:56 PM

    You kids and your underage drinking.