Jet 'Get Born'

The latest DVD from Netflix arrived today. I received ‘Sideways’. I’ve heard a lot about this film and now I’m finally going to see if it’s any good.

A few months ago, I saw a story on some network news magazine where folks were taking the “Sideways Tour”. You could go visit all the places from the film where you could eat the same meals and belly up to the wine bars and be as pretentious as you want to be.

I wonder if the real “Kramer” had anything to do with that venture….

Before I can get started on that, I must do something very necessary. I’ve got to go to the bank and order some more checks. For some crazy reason, I thought I had at least two more pads of the damn things. When I sat down to scribble numbers and my name on printed paper, I only had one check left. I turned the place upside down looking for the remaining checks that I thought I had. They never turned up. But I did find the missing dress socks that I misplaced.

There’s something else that I’ve been contemplating as well… Joining the New World Order by getting a check card.

I have always been cool with the way things were. You NEED cash. You should ALWAYS have cash on you. I’ve existed just fine with dead presidents riding around in my pockets. I have a lovely money clip that I like to whip out whenever I want to feel pretentious. Phhhhh!… Only suckers carry wallets!

The thing that has pushed me over the edge is the “homeless” folk that I encounter whenever I walk the streets of downtown Greensboro. They will stop you and give you a standard story about how they’re down on their luck hoping that you’ll feel guilty enough to give them a buck or two. I just don’t like lying to those people when I’m going to Natty’s with George, Abe, and Andrew in my pocket.

I work downtown and if you start with one stray, it will hang around looking for you. Then even more strays start to smell what you’re cooking. You will become an easy mark.

I make just enough money to pay for my weekly sins and habits. I can’t be running around handing paper George’s out to every street urchin. So, instead of lying to them, I’m selling my soul and beliefs to embrace the coming cashless society known as the New World Order.

No longer will I have to hit the ATM whenever I want to purchase gas. Just about all the major fast food joints now accept credit cards and check cards. And if I want to purchase something on the internet or over the phone, I won’t have to put it on a credit card where it sits and collects interest against me.

I’m feeling quite giddy about dancing with the devil. Excited, really. Maybe the N.W.O. isn’t such a bad thing after all.

But trust me, I’ll never get excited about Splenda.