Tuesday, May 03, 2005

Joe Perry 'Joe Perry'

There seems to be some confusion about my blogs. I will clarify for those of you that have come in late to my ramblings.

Each blog entry has a date when it was published. The title of each blog comes from the title of the music that I’m listening to for that day. Today, its Joe Perry’s new self-titled CD. Yesterday, it was Alice Cooper’s ‘Hey Stoopid’ release from 1991. I’ve also used cassettes like two of the entries from last week, ‘The Non-Conformist Cult Radio Show’. Those were cassette recordings of my old college radio show on WQFS. You may even see a mix tape from friends of mine.

So, I hope that clears some things up and I guess I should mention that from time to time for newbies that are reading my blog.

I want to thank those of you who keep reading my blog. You seem to enjoy it so, thank you.

Last week, Chris Candido died. If you don’t follow professional wrestling, then you probably have no idea who he was. Even some of you who DO follow the biz, you may not remember him.

He wrestled in all of the major federations, the WWE, WCW, and the ECW. He even hit some of the bottom feeders like the XPW. He was married to Tammy Lynn Sytch who was known as “Sunny” to millions of WWE fans.

Sunny was always one of my favorite WWE Divas. At the time, she didn’t have any augmentation and she could work what the Lord above gave her with very effort. Mmmmm…. Sunny….

I digress….

Chris Candido’s career was on the rebound and he was working with TNA Wrestling. TNA can be found on the Fox Sports Net on Fridays, I think. They also produce pay-per-views every month.

Candido was working a match on the last PPV when he broke both of the bones in one of his lower legs. From the reports that I’ve read, he received the injury while dodging a cameraman inside the steel cage where the wrestling was taking place. The next day, he underwent surgery where they used metal plates and screws to fix the damage. They also fixed his dislocated ankle.

Candido was at the taping of the next show for Fox Sports Net. Two days later, he died from blood clot complications. There are also rumors of a nasty staph infection. So, it’s rather unclear.

Candido is one of those types of wrestlers who don’t get the attention that they deserve. He will put over another wrestler which means he will lose to them for the purpose of propelling them higher in the eyes of the audience.

He wasn’t very good on the microphone, but he sure could perform in the ring. His finishing move was a vertical suplex where he stood upright with his opponent high in the air. Sometimes, he would support this guy’s weight for up to a minute before completing the move. It requires great strength and the full trust of the person that you’re about to drop to the mat surface. One wrong move and someone can get hurt.

To me and my friend, Sean, Candido was especially good at stumbling around, looking like he just got his clock cleaned. Most wrestlers do it in such an exaggerated way that it comes across fake. He did it so perfectly that you didn’t know if he was really hurt or not. Candido was one of the uncredited masters of his profession.

I will miss him.

Over the weekend, something occurred that caught the attention of the American public, but it went completely over my head. I didn’t hear anything about it until Monday evening. I just never see the news. I consider myself lucky if I’m able to catch a glimpse of WFMY News 2’s Rachel Peterson.

The story that I missed was the one about Jennifer Wilbanks, the runaway bride.

You obviously know about it, but I’ll gloss over it anyway…

She left her fiancĂ©’ by telling the police that she had been kidnapped by a Hispanic man and white woman in a blue van.

It turns out that it all was a lie.

The part that I find weird about it all is that the groom wants her back.


It’s obvious that this woman’s mind resides in some fictional soap opera town where you can do anything with no repercussions. As television has taught me, you can easily fabricate wild, outlandish stories to get out of any relationship problems with no trouble from law enforcement agencies.

But, the difference between Jennifer Wilbanks and myself is that I know life is not like it is on television.

Why does the groom want her back?

She’s crazy. Is she crazy in bed? Could that be the reason?

I don’t really think so.

Keep in mind that I am no blue ribbon winner when it comes to being good looking, but I easily outshine John Mason.

Jennifer is a good-looking lady, but crazier than a crab in Anna Nicole Smith’s underwear. I think that the real reason that he wants her back is because he feels that he cannot do any better.

John isn’t thinking straight right now. I know. I’ve been in his shoes. I once thought that I had found the girl of my dreams. Even after you get the ring back, exchange personal property, and mope around in a daze, it still doesn’t sink in. You think there’s a chance things will work out.

Maybe John is different than me. I felt really embarrassed about my fiancĂ©e’ dumping me for a slacker/loser friend. I felt embarrassed about proclaiming to the world that I had found the one that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with only to have it come crashing down on me.

It turns out that all those feelings were quite natural. But, over time, everything was falling into place about how wrong I was about her. She isn’t the nicest person to walk God’s green earth. She wasn’t supportive about anything that I did or wanted to achieve. And in hindsight, it’s a damn good thing that we didn’t get married.

My advice to John Mason is this… You’re not going to get over it anytime soon, she’s seen to that. It may seem embarrassing, but try to keep in mind that she’s the one who looks like the idiot on national television. Try to lose the bitterness (that one killed me). Keep your eyes open for the real one that’s coming your way. And until then, have some fun.

John, the most important thing that you will gain from all this is…. A helluva sweet book deal.

1 comment:

  1. Anonymous11:34 AM

    Ok--I gotta wiegh in on this one---in the big scheme of things what does it really matter that some woman took a page out of a really bad Julia Roberts movie and fled from the altar? We have the Hispanic community calling for an apology and claiming grievous harm b/c of her claim that a hispanic man and his white girlfirned kidnapped her, there's a call for her to do community service in a Hispanic community..uh yeah--that should ensure her safety..law enforcement is thinking about asking her to pay the overtime hours that were spent looking for her....meanwhile we are still in a war that is more about money than it ever was about politics, we have a man on trial for child molestation that exemplifies circus freak and Spears and Federlaine (sp?) copulated and are producing offspring---these are the things that KEEP ME UP AT NIGHT!!