Tuesday, March 26, 2019

Hard Sale Hannah

My wife and her son were out shopping the other day and stumbled across some young lady selling her homemade candles. They said that she was a little pushy, but quite adorable. Kind of like a used car salesman without the overly offensive amount of cologne, unbuttoned shirt, hairy chest, gold chains, and pinky rings. But I’m sorry, I don’t do well with pushy. I would have simply walked off. I’ve done that to a countless amount of folks at record shows. You know the types… They spot something they think they can latch on to you with and toss whatever they have for sale at you.

I don’t know if Sam purchased a candle or not, but “Hard Sale Hannah” got her hooks into Jamie for one candle. Yep, a candle scented like Black Tea made it’s home debut on the game room table. And yes, it seems like tea brewing. I must say that it’s very pleasant. But my wife told me about some of the other scents “Hard Sale Hannah” had available… Bacon and Buffalo Wings.

Jamie said that the Buffalo Wings candle smelled like a pair of just worn hot August panty hose. I don’t know about you, but that I don’t think that I’d find that scent all that pleasant.

I think “Hard Sale Hannah” needs to branch out in the vast arena of smells. Perhaps some political candles like “Trump Sweat”, “Border Wall”, “Liberal Tears” (smells like the ocean), “Snowflake”, and “Hillary’s Emails”. You can imagine the first two, but “Hillary’s Emails” would have that electronic burning smell, ya know. Hell, throw in a “Stormy Daniels” scented candle with a small “Trump Wick”.

Here are some other ideas that I had…
Hot Dog Water
First Drunk
Old Chuck Taylors
New Car Smell
Matthew McConaughey
1970s Grateful Dead Concert
Deer Gutting
Gunfight at the O.K. Corral
The Big One at Talladega
and Neglected Swimming Pool

“Hard Sale Hannah” was on the local news a few days after my wife purchased a candle. Here’s the LINK to that local story if you’re so inclined.

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