Thursday, October 18, 2018

Dating In Bloom

My youngest stepson has been driving for 2 months. And he hit another milestone in his life just last week… His first date.

I’m being very courteous by not saying a word unless it’s totally positive. I don’t want to say anything that could make him self-conscious about hitting the dating scene. He’s a rather shy guy and I don’t want to come off like I’m ribbing him. I know that I got some ribbing when I came of girl-digging age and it seemed counterproductive to me. I want to support his dating endeavors, not hinder them.

Of course, his mother is beside herself with excitement. She’s snapping pictures and asking WAAYY too many questions. She didn’t know about the girl and I told her… “This is WHY he doesn’t tell you anything.”

He brought her over by the house this past Sunday. They had gone out with her family to celebrate her birthday. She’s a shy, sweet, and pretty girl. But we didn’t really spend a whole lot of time with her… The Redskins were in the middle of defeating the Carolina Canthers. So, we were just kinda smiley, breaking eye contact with the TV, and saying things like “Good to meet you” before turning towards the TV again. I think he planned it that way so everyone wouldn’t sit her down at a table, shine a hot light in her face, and interrogate her. I think Jamie got a set of fingerprints before she got away from us. Perhaps even a urine sample, I don’t know. I could be wrong, but I think I heard Jamie from the other room ask her to spread her toes. It could be a mother thing.

And apparently, they went to a church function last night. Oh, what wonderous powers this young lady must possess.

I can’t speak for his earlier years, but going to church isn’t even on the radar of priorities around the Big House. Sure, the MIL is a believer, but I cannot get her to attend anymore. I sure would like my Sunday’s back where I play music through the house to gently ease us into the day as I prepare brunch for everyone.

I’ll start playing some music through the house and she’ll drag herself out of bed. It’s like she has a desire to join us only to sit down in the living room and turn on the television while she clearly hears the music. She MUST have her first dose of televised news. I don’t know if it’s some kind of passive aggressive crap or what, but I just give it up and turn it off.

Sometimes Jamie and I will bet on how many songs it’ll take her before turning on the TV. It’s usually under 5. She must lessen the bladder, prepare a cup of coffee, and take a stack of medication that would choke a giraffe. And here’s the funny thing… Some of the meds must be taken with food. So, what’s her idea of taking with food? Two peanut butter crackers. Oh, it’s hilarious!

Anyways… Let’s get back to the stepson and his dating.

It’s an exciting time. The oldest stepson’s dating just kind of happened. No fanfare. No fuss. No muss. The youngest seems to be taking it all in stride while I field questions from his mother… “He’s leaving so early in the morning. Do you think he’s taking his girlfriend to school?”

“I don’t know, dear. He could be going to Taco Bell for those wonderful and delicious A.M. Crunchwraps.”

“Do you think that you need to talk to him about… about… you know?”

I kind of glazed over that the other night after he took her home. Jamie was grilling him with questions and I asked, “Do you know why they call most teenage pregnancies unwanted?”

Oh yeah, I’m suave and sophisticated. Someone should give me a talk show to host!

I have no desire to be a step-grand-dad anytime soon. Hell, I’ve got eternally housecoated MIL to deal with every day. And she isn’t as easy to deal with.

I’m happy for the youngest. I didn’t have a good dating life in high school. Parents of the girls saw me as some kind of weirdo because I certainly walked to the beat of a different drum. And one parent didn’t like me because my father was a deputy sheriff… I found why out later. He had some substance issues and there were rumors about the guy “dealing”. One girl was pulled out of school and her own mother actually insinuated a rumor that she was pregnant. She was mortified when a teacher expressed her feelings of shock. The other girl was forbidden to go out with me, but hey… Forbidden fruit definitely worked in my favor.

But I hope that the youngest doesn’t have to deal with any of that. I want his dating life to be smoother than mine. He certainly doesn’t need any of my stupid comments to fester and spin around in his cranium. I will maintain a respectful distance from his personal life.

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