Thursday, September 27, 2018

Quirks 'R Us

Have you even known or even lived with someone that has whacky quirks?

The MIL certainly has a multitude of them. And a lot of them I just never really noticed until a few someones pointed them out to me.

I’m not talking about annoying habits. I’m talking about little quirky things that are more amusing than they are annoying. Things that leave you shaking your head and wondering about the whys concerning such behavior.

I am VERY sure that I have a bunch of them too. But being so close to myself, I don’t really notice them. I’m sure that the MIL and Jamie could have a symposium when it comes to my little quirks. I freely admit my OCDs when it comes to TV viewing, my album of the day, and my daily/weekly Spotify habits. I’m sure they top Jamie’s list.

Here’s a daily MIL quirk… For reasons unknown to me, and I don’t ask because all my questions are perceived as criticisms, the MIL gets up every morning with a routine. She gathers the dirty clothes and after that she sprays disinfectant spray in all the bedrooms. It’s always two sprays. I don’t know what she’s spraying or why, because I don’t ask for previously mentioned misinterpretations. Did we all become odorous during our sleeping hours? Did we all wake up smelling like rotting meat?

I’m thinking that she’s using disinfectant spray as a room deodorizer. It’s a common mistake. I know for a fact that she sprays the bathroom with the disinfectant spray instead of the Glade deodorizing spray. I don’t know why. I don’t know if it’s a “cheap” thing or if she just doesn’t realize the differences in the sprays. I purposely purchase Glade because it’s more effective at eliminating odors than the cheap disinfectant spray.

Another part of her morning ritual is the turning on and turning off of water in the bathroom sink. There are usually 4 or 5 times where she’s turning on the water and then turning it off in there. What in the caramelized onion hell is she doing in there??

And then when you visit the same room, there’s water droplets all over the top of the sink. It looks as if she just ran water and violently shook her hands under the running water just to splash it all over the sink. So yeah, I’m a bit perplexed.

Here’s a doozy… She folds her clothes before putting them into the dirty clothes hamper. Seriously, who does that? At times, she can be a bit like Felix Unger from ‘The Odd Couple’ and I find some of it rather bizarre at times. Why fold dirty clothes??? Just toss them bastards in there and worry about the folding when they’re clean.

And cleaning the kitchen IMMEDIATELY after people have eaten dinner is something that she does like a military strike. As soon as the last person finishes eating, usually her, she swoops in like a mad maid. But the other night, there was a problem. Jamie went over to the neighbors for a little Notary work concerning a purchase of a car. And if you know my wife, she’s a talkative creature. She most likely did the witnessing, the checking of the paperwork, and gave her stamp of approval with a few beers at the finishing line. But her taco fixings were getting cold. She was the only one that hadn’t eaten dinner. Jamie was holding up the one-woman kitchen-cleaning strike force. The strike force was at DEFCON 2 and was waiting impatiently. The MIL kept asking questions like… “When is Jamie coming back?”… “Do you think Jamie is going to eat dinner?”… “What’s taking Jamie so long?”… “Do you think Jamie will ever come home?”

And every question was followed by… “I’ve got to clean up the kitchen.” I kept waiting for “I’m forgetting what she looks like” to come out of her mouth.

So, I texted my wife with this… “Come eat before your momma loses her g****mn mind”. And it wasn’t long after that Jamie returned to find that the strike force had indeed pulled a premature jump to DEFCON 1. The MIL was packing up and washing. She even threw away the last of the homegrown tomatoes that Jamie was looking forward to loading up on her tacos. My wife made due by stirring up most of the leftover taco items into a bowl for her dinner.

When it comes to quirks, I think the MIL has certainly eclipsed me.

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