Saturday, March 27, 2010

Stephen Stills 'Just Roll Tape'

Here’s something that I wrote recently about some observations made last year… Try to enjoy.

--I rarely go to a particular retail outlet, but I had no choice back on October 6th. I had to pick up the new release from KISS, ‘Sonic Boom’. It was sold exclusively at that particular retail establishment. In my mind, getting the prize would involve a long journey through aisles filled with people that would most likely have urinals in their living rooms or the types you find at dog fights on the weekends. But it was worth it to get ‘Sonic Boom’ complete with bonus CD and DVD for twelve bucks. New and surprisingly good KISS tunes were worth being run down by someone on a motorized cart with portable breathing equipment in tow.

Since I had to visit the giant hall of human oddities complete with a Subway, I took a list with me to pick up a few things that I needed. I couldn’t see any reason to make another trip to procure other life necessities. After all, people that love that establishment are always praising the joint as the place that has everything. Not even the gum-chewing college girl with ample and visible cleavage at the drug store down the street could sway two trips out of me.

I may be slightly on the pervy side, but at least I’m rational and reasonable.

I needed to pick up another large plastic bottle of my favorite body wash… Yes, I have a pouf and I finally know how to spell it… Dial’s Full Force. It sounds manly enough to offset any pouf usage.

I like the smell of the stuff and so do the lovely ladies that I’m fortunate enough to receive hugs from every time I see them. So I started my search on the retailers Wall of China aisle of soaps and lotions. I found stuff made by Dial, but the huge retailer didn’t have the specific scent that I like.

I stood there reading and rereading all the bottles to make sure my eyes were working properly. I started moving bottles and tubes around to see if my scent was being obscured by products misplaced by someone wearing a cap with a “3” accentuated with angel wings over the bill. Alas, I came up empty.

They had a Dial scent with pheromones, but I didn’t want that. I was thinking to myself, Don’t ants use pheromones to communicate and attract?

Well, I didn’t want to attract ants or give them the wrong idea, so I went with the only other logical choice from Dial… A bottle of body wash made for hair and body.

For some reason, it seems strange to me that guys would want the same cleaning fluid they put on their privates used on their heads. After all, we are talking about two different hair types. I wouldn’t a woman that I’m getting intimate with to find my crotch smelling like Pert or VO5. Nor would I want her to find out that my hair smells like Zest. What kind of messages would that send?

I thought about visiting Ms. Boobage at the pharmacy for my usual Dial Full Force, but I just grabbed the hair and body formula and tossed it into the shopping basket with the new KISS CD, five quarts of oil, and an oil filter.

Since purchasing the body and hair formula, I have yet to use it on the hair follicles coming out of my scalp. I’m still using my Garnier fortifying shampoo. Part of me wants to experiment with it, but I just can’t seem to pull the trigger. It just seems wrong and a little lazy.

Perhaps that’s why they make that formula for men… I’ve never seen that type of product for women. So what is that saying about us guys?

--As of this posting… I have yet to use it on my hair. To be honest, I have forgotten that my body wash doubles as shampoo. But now that I won’t be seeing people on a regular basis because of reoccurring job losses, I may just give it a shot and report back here. You know, for scientific reasons.

1 comment:

  1. So... My thoughts about pheromones in a bottle ...pheromone glands...while located everywhere on the body surface, tend to concentrate in six areas:
    1) The axillae (underarms)
    2) The nipples (of both sexes)
    3) The pubic regions
    4) The lips
    5) The eyelids
    6) The outer ear
    (Note- most of these places come with tufts of hair ... apparently it really does NOT matter WHERE the hair follicles originate! ... just a thought?)
    Anyway ... how exactly are they aquiring ... much less bottling this stuff?? I have a sinking feeling it might be from the humans in the aisles of your dreaded retail establishment ... scary huh? Glad you abstained!

    (Im slightly offended by the motorized cart comment ... its quite humiliating to be forced to plant your butt in one of those things ... and not a convenient as it appears ... they really do not fit between those rack of merchandise!) ; )