Friday, May 22, 2009

Fall Out Boy 'From Under The Cork Tree'

Another season of 24 has come and gone. It wasn’t as good as I had hoped it would be, but then again anything could’ve been better than the dismal season six.

The things I liked… The return of Tony Almeida who moved to the dark side. The return of Kim Bauer and her breasts. Agent Renee Walker’s bandage and of course… Madame President’s constant questions.

The season finale only produced 11 questions from Madame President. I was sadly disappointed. All the questions were asked in the final 30 minutes and there weren’t enough to get a drinking game going for real. But (!) I was thrilled to see her send her daughter up the fabled creek of solid waste without a paddle after she had Jonas Hodges blown in the back of an SUV (sounds dirtier than it really was).

The move to Washington didn’t really thrill me. It was cool to see some of the monuments in the background during the first few episodes, but after that, all warehouses and dingy streets look the same. Where were the Redskins?

I haven’t seen any ratings for this past season, so I don’t know how it’s holding up. Like most shows, I’m sure the steam driving the 24 roller is losing pressure. It’s only natural that folks drop off as the show becomes a little tiresome and formulaic.

Here are some ideas that I have to punch things up a bit:

Steal a group of villains from the cartoon series The Tick called “The Swiss”. They have everything they need in their giant Swiss Army knives. From personal helicopters to telescopes to tweezers. And like Die Fleidermaus, you’d never expect the Swiss being up to no good. After all, they’re neutral… Or are they?

How about a group of Mexican extremists who want to take over more than America’s service industry and construction?

I can hear Jack Bauer saying it now, “They’ve been hiding under our noses this whole time. THIS WHOLE TIME!”

Jack seems to repeat things at a high volume. Another example of the things I like about 24.

But my best idea involves the President…

A good ol’ boy Republican from Texas has been elected President. He’s a former Navy Seal who means business. He shoots from the hip and he’s not afraid to shout his point across with the military.

When some crap comes down the line and Jack Bauer swings into action, Mr. President gives him all the room he needs to get things done. He knocks down anyone that doesn’t want Bauer loosing his canon. If Bauer wants or needs it, The President damn well makes sure that he gets it.

Of course this leads to conflict with hand-wringing, politically correct Liberals that try to stop Bauer and the President from crushing the enemy. So while Bauer is doing his thing against the terrorists, Mr. President and former Navy Seal is slicing and dicing his way through counter-productive, spineless Government vegetarian greenies that are inadvertently letting the baddies continue with their devious takeover of America.

This President doesn’t want to sit in the Oval Office and let Bauer have all the fun during the two hour season finale… Oh no. He shows up with guns a blazing and a small army of the Secret Service (which includes Agent Aaron Pierce) providing cover.

“Wooooo BOY!” Mr. President shouts as he lands next to Jack Bauer in the dirt.

“Mr. President… What are you doing here?” Jack asks with a disbelieving look on his face. “WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?”

“Me and the boys here ain’t gonna let you be the only Belle at this ball,” Mr. President says as he grabs a grenade launcher. “Lets do some shootin’ and we’ll send those better life hungry hombres back over the Rio Grande on a Patriot missile! Woooo Weeeeee!”

It’s just an idea.

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