Saturday, May 24, 2008

Benj-O-Matic 'Hi-Test Vol. 1: The Infinite Amplification Of Silence'

I joined Weather Dave, Jaclyn, and Doug McKnight at Natty Greene’s for a couple of holiday cold ones on Friday afternoon. I had time for one Old Town Brown at the bar upstairs until Jaclyn talked us into sitting on the patio. I liked this idea. That’s rather unusual for me because I’m not one for chilling outdoors. But yesterday, the weather was speaking my language. There was a light breeze. I also liked that the sunlight was warming up my tired and cold blood.

Eric Chilton and the WFMY News 2 crowd showed up to broadcast from Natty Greene’s patio during the 5 and 6pm reports. They chose the spot right next to us.

Being the “boys” that we are… We thought it would be kind of funny to place a Guilford Golden right in front of Eric during his broadcast. Jaclyn chilled us out on that idea, so Doug decided to sit it there when Chilton wasn’t on camera. It caused him to crack up a little as he reported the 7 day outlook to the television viewers.

After the first broadcast, we all chatted and that’s when I found out that Eric owns a scooter. I told him about the models that I’m looking to purchase and he told me that once I have it, I should visit the club meeting.


Was “club meeting” his way of saying “gang”?

There’s a scooter gang out there?

Chilton told me that they all meet at a certain place on the 3rd Wednesday of the month.

I was slightly intrigued by this.

It’s great that scooter owners are thinking about saving money and resources, but it’s even better that they’re thinking about organized crime! I’ve got a picture in my mind of a joint where scooters are all lined up outside… Loud music, the scent of Jim Beam, and raucous laughing fills the air… Road-hardened ladies with very little clothing spread their infectious love all over the men… It’s a dream come true!

I asked Eric about their extortion polices and the elected officials they have under their environmentally green thumbs. He looked somewhat confused. I then inquired about the narcotics and prostitution division. I simply cannot join a scooter gang without those respectable criminal elements. It’s like Kentucky Fried Chicken with only 4 secret herbs and spices.

He laughed.

That gave me the reassurance I needed to join the same gang that he’s in!

Now I’m wondering what kind of initiation rituals they have… Shedding my own blood? Perhaps there’ll be a good old-fashioned knife fight? The kind where I’ll be tied wrist to wrist to another potential member and trying to stab him with my free hand. Maybe some unrestrained mayhem and vandalism spread through a quiet town like hellfire? That could definitely ensure my membership!

I really don’t know. And that’s why I’m putting The Wild Bunch on my Netflix queue! That’ll give me some scooter gang tips and ideas about what to expect as I venture into the world of organized crime, leather coats, and pomade.

I wonder what the gang calls themselves… I’m hoping and praying for the name of Hell’s Cherubs. That would be cool!

--And by the way... Today's musical choice is the new one from Greensboro's own Benjomatic. It's a mighty damn fine record! I urge you to buy it and play it loud!


  1. Anonymous11:27 AM

    My vote for scooter gang name goes to The Flaming Dumbasses.

  2. Leave it to you to poo-poo.