Life Sex & Death 'The Silent Majority'

What is the deal with earpieces these days?

It seems that every mofo on the planet is sporting one of those damn things. To me, those types of people are like the same types of people from 10 years ago that did their damnedest to let everyone around them know they owned a cell phone. It’s like they have to show everyone just how important they are by strolling around God’s creation with a Bluetooth device jammed into their ears.

Just last night, I was hanging with Weather Dave, Jaclyn, “B-Ware”, Heather, and Doug McKnight down at Natty Greene’s when we noticed a couple of real doucheketeers (a Jeff Kay-ism) strolling down the stairs with those Bluetooth things wedged into their ears. They were amongst friends and probably wives… But they simply had let everyone around them know that they were way too important for hand-to-head cell phone conversations. Radio communication is way more important for these “Uhura’s” than face to face conversations.



A buddy of mine went through a phase with his little Bluetooth device… His name is Tim. It would drive me crazy that he would constantly have that thing lodged in his ear as we ate at East Coast Wings. Sometimes, I thought he was talking to me when he was actually talking to someone else.

I’m starting to think that a Bluetooth device is just another phallic display for men.

Another thing I don’t like about this trend… When these yahoos are using their phones with their earpieces, I think they’re talking to me. I usually say, “Excuse me?” Or I just start answering their questions.

And what’s the deal with restaurants adopting this same type of look?

Have you been to Chili’s in a while?

More than half of the wait staff are running around with earpieces and microphones. I simply can’t believe there’s someone in the back watching and monitoring all of the things going on in Chili’s. It gives the impression that there’s a SWAT trained person in back ready at a moments notice to give the order for a wing delivery to drop from the ceiling with ropes and napkins.

Do they think that I, the customer, feel more assured that I’m being waited on properly and without incident when “Amber” brings my Chicken Ranch sandwich to the table with a phone headset?

I guess the average Chili’s customer is confident that their food orders will be carried out with great precision and skill from the earpiece wait-squad. Hey, whatever gets you through the indigestion…

The only time that I wear an earpiece is when I’m driving and I have to use the phone. And even then, the person I’m talking to complains about not being able to hear me. There’s too much “road noise” or maybe I’ve got my Life, Sex, & Death CD playing too loudly. I’m just looking out for my own safety as well of those around me.

Am I being silly about this? Or am I right about all this “ear pretentiousness”?