Elton John 'Goodbye Yellow Brick Road'

Guess what?

I haven’t knowingly consumed any sugar for almost a week now. That’s right… I’m trying to get that sugary-high fructose corn syrup monkey from running up and down my spine. I am trying to eat a little better. Trying to keep junk out of my system. It hasn’t been easy and it definitely ain’t happening overnight.

Since I was a little kid… I remember my dad telling me that one day I’ll regret eating all the junk that I ate. And that I’ll wish that I had eaten better. My stance was this… I’m going to abuse my body until if and when I reach my fortieth birthday.

I’m closing in on 41 and those chickens are coming home to roast, roost, or whatever they do. I rarely eat any fried foods anymore. And I figured getting sugar out of my diet would be a good thing.

I’ve been eating things like lettuce and tomatoes. I’ve been trying some of those things that I’ve always hated. But tomatoes just aren’t doing it for me. I simply don’t like them. They suck. And they taste very “real” to me.

Can I describe “real” to you?

No.

After a few days, I was telling my friend Kristina about the deletion of sugar in my diet… She asked how I was feeling now that I’ve been off sugar. I didn’t feel any different.

I still don’t feel any different. Am I supposed to? Should I be able to lift Oldsmobiles over my head by now? Should I be able to see through walls? What should feel different to me?

The only thing that has been different is this… When I get hungry… I will get the shakes until I eat something. Yeah… I can hold out my hands and they’ll shake like paint mixers in slow-motion. And I will feel a little weak and sickly until I get something in my belly.

Next on my list of things to retry and see if I like them now… Bananas. I hear that bananas are like some kind of potassium laden wonder fruit. And I worked with a guy named Paul that was a office supply delivery guy like me… He could work circles around everyone. He was like a silver-haired white tornado… Nothing but energy. And that mofo was in his 70’s! All he ever ate in the mornings and afternoons… Bananas.

I miss regular Coke. I suppose I will get used to Jim Beam mixed with Diet Rite cola.