Cheap Trick 'In Color'

Rock 92 had a live remote broadcast with Chris Kelly from the Two Guys Named Chris show yesterday in Asheboro, North Carolina. Folks came out to James River Equipment / John Deere to see their hometown kid done good. There was a lot of back-patting and smiles throughout the day.

This was probably the twenty-fourth time I had been within Asheboro City Limits. I’ve stopped a couple of times for breakfast on my way to Rockingham races with Wally Harrison. I would occasionally run office supplies to the NC Zoo. And I’ve had my share of live remotes in that town.

One of the things that keep me from spending a lot of time in Asheboro is the fact that I cannot get alcohol anywhere in that town. I’ve driven by Sir Pizza many, many times with wanton lust in my heart for eating one of their pies. But I never stop because there’s no point in eating pizza without beer. It’s like having shoes without the socks. Something just stinks about it.

Another thing… Driving east or west on Highway 64 through Asheboro is quite a challenge… A challenge to keep my road rage within check. The speed limit is 45 mph, but I think most of the people in Asheboro suffer from some sort of foot/eye coordination problems.

I don’t know if they can’t SEE the speed limit signs or whether their legs and feet work properly. The folks that generally clutter up Highway 64 drive along at about 38 mph. It’s quite MADDENING! It’s like driving in a two-lane funeral procession.

And since I’m talking about small town driving habits… The folks in King, Mt. Airy, Pilot Mountain, and Pinnacle are some of the slowest people in the world when it comes to making turns. They almost, I mean ALMOST, come to a complete stop when making a left or right turn.

Sometimes, I just wanna get all “Robby Gordon” with those slow turners and put the bumper to them. It’s like… “C’mon! Hit the gas! Turn the wheel! Get out of the way!”

That’s what I like about a lot of the drivers in the Triad… They make left and right hand turns like Bo and Luke Duke… Practically sideways with the tires squealing. And usually there are people complaining about my “slow” driving in my rearview.

Dianna and I hit a great place to eat in Mt. Airy last night… Goober’s. The place was packed, as usual, so we took a seat at the bar until a table became available. I haven’t been there in a few months, but I noticed for the first time that liquor was available.

With the hectic day behind me, I asked if they had Jim Beam. The bartender gave me the affirmative. So I asked her for a shot to which she replied, “I’m sorry. We don’t do shots.”

I don’t know if it was the look of utter disbelief on my face, but she continued, “We don’t want the bar type atmosphere here.”

I did good… I didn’t say anything. I could have pointed out the fact that the beer, wine, and liquor stored behind the bar are clearly visible throughout the room. I could have pointed out the half-full large glass barrel within 2 feet of me that proudly proclaimed that pineapple martinis take 3 days for proper preparation. I could have pointed out that many of the patrons were enjoying their adult beverages. HELL! I could have pointed out the fact that I was sitting AT A BAR!

I bit my tongue and took her up on her suggestion… I had a broiler maker of the sidecar variety. She poured the beer and added a shot of Jim Beam. Because of my empty stomach, that joker didn’t take long to get in my blood stream and warm up my face.

I like small towns, but I don’t know what it is about the small town mentality when it comes to driving and alcoholic beverages. If you live in a small town… May I suggest actually watching MORE NASCAR races for adapting a good driving style and perhaps a viewing of Leaving Las Vegas to embrace the occasional drunk like me.