Friday, February 09, 2007

Sex Police 'Second String'

It amazes me how you can have a problematic thing going on in your life and within a day, something comes along and takes your mind off it. It may not be the answer to your problem, but it starts looking a whole lot better than the actual problem. I love that kind of stuff!

Anyways… I met my friend Christine for lunch today. We met at the place that serves the best pizza in the Triad, Bill’s Pizza Pub on High Point Road in Greensboro. I’ve got nothing against Papa John’s (can’t eat 6 hours before bedtime or I get awful acid indigestion) or the readers of GoTriad Magazine (after all, they voted my blog the Best in the Triad), but why are folks overlooking Bill’s Pizza?

When I was a teenager and playing crappy rock n’ roll with Jonathan Everett and Tracy Thornton every day during summer vacations from Northwest Guilford, we hit Bill’s Pizza Pub (the old location on Battleground) every damn day. We would either buy our own one topping pie for 6 bucks or go in on one. We dreamed of hitting it big and having our relatives overnight Bill’s Pizza (it’s DAMN good cold) to us somewhere on the road. Bill’s Pizza Pub was the place!

Why has everyone seemingly forgotten about Bill’s Pizza?

As Christine and I sat there chewing the fat and eating our super-delicious pepperoni pizza, I noticed an attractive woman putting her money into the jukebox. Within a few seconds of hearing her first selection, her attractiveness went away. I was fighting the urge to yell, “STEP AWAY FROM THE JUKEBOX!”

She played some awful tune by Michael Jackson. I remember hearing it during my run at Peaches Music & Video, but the title was escaping me. I thought that it could have easily been something by Bobby Brown. It had that “I’m a crappy R&B song from the 80’s where ALL 80’s R&B sounded the same” kind of sound.

When she looked up, our eyes met. Even if she were compelled to do me in the bathroom right then and there with our bodies finding pleasure together in the most animalistic ways known to human kind, I’m sure my eyes gave her the idea that I can’t go for that, no can do. With the Michael Jackson tune filling the ear holes of everyone in the building, I’m pretty sure that I was the only one with a disgusted look on their face.

Imagine this face in the mirror…. Pass a cat box that hasn’t been emptied for over a week under your nose. That could have easily been the look on my face.

The now not-so-attractive woman didn’t stop there… Oh no! She followed that horrible tune with “Black Or White”.

Thankfully that was it from her and no more tunes were played on the jukebox during our lunch visit.

I’m guessing that the lady is probably leading a very lonely life with her Michael Jackson CD collection, Precious Moments figurines, and other trinkets of arrested development.

As many people have said about me over the years, it’s a damn shame and such a terrible waste.


  1. Anonymous3:54 PM

    Bill's is indeed the GREATEST pizza that know one reall knows about. It's all about the great individual pepperoni and sausage. Man, I'm getting hungry just thinking about it. I may have to go scoop one up tomorrow.

    Also, anyone caught enjoying post-Off the Wall Michael Jackson may be shot on sight.

  2. Anonymous12:30 AM

    I went to Grimsley & we'd go there too. What's in it's place now?

  3. Anonymous12:32 AM

    Gotta love the Sex Police. Use to go see them at The Edge on Tate street every time they made an appearance.

  4. Charles,

    Thanks for the permission to shoot MJ music lovers on sight, but I actually think that 'Thriller' is a fine album too. 'Off The Wall' is definitely a keeper, but we shouldn't discount 'Thriller'.

  5. Anon,

    They tore down Bill's on Battleground and replaced it with a Taco Hell. I think that happened back around 1987 or so. I can't tell you how many summers went by where I ate nothing but Bill's Pizza every weekday.

  6. Anon,

    I remember being at some of those Sex Police shows at The Edge. I'm starting to wonder who you are?

  7. Anonymous11:22 AM

    The Taco Bell was always there, next to Bill's. There's a "touch-free" car wash where Bill's used to stand.

  8. Sorry Christine, but you have it wrong.

    Bill's was always right next to that little strip of shops where Sally's Beauty Supply is (is it still there?). The car was always there. The folks at Taco Hell bought the land where Bill's was and expanded their operation for more parking, a drive-thru, and a slightly larger building.

    Do you remember when Bill's was a Tony's Pizza back in the early 70's?

    You could drive up and get your phoned-in pie without leaving your car.

  9. This comment has been removed by the author.

  10. Sorry, I meant carwash instead of car.

  11. Anonymous5:21 PM

    Bill's Pizza. YUM. There used to be one WAY out Randleman Road. I doubt that it's still there, but we used to go there.

    The boy has a birthday party at Celebration Station tomorrow afternoon. I might have to drag the hubby over to Bill's. He's not from around these parts and may not be familiar with the genius of Bill's Pizza.

  12. Anonymous8:41 PM

    No, Eugene, you're the one who has it wrong. Taco Bell has carwashes on either side of it. I'm speaking of the one to the left of Taco Bell, in between it and the little strip of shops where Sally's used to be. It's an automated, touch-free car wash. That's where Bill's used to be. You're thinking of the do-it-yourself car wash to the *right* of Taco Bell that's been there forever. Go drive by and you'll see what I'm talking about.

  13. Anonymous10:58 AM

    I remember the way far out Bill's from back in the day. As a little youth, I would beg my dad's girlfriend to make the trek out there for the all mighty individual pepperoni and sausage. And yes, I did purchase one to enjoy while wathing the Bud Shootout.

  14. Bebo,

    The one on Randleman Road is still there. It's a great place to visit!

    And by all means, head down 40 and hit some Bill's while the kid parties down!

  15. Christine,

    I know for a fact that Bill's was right next to that strip of shops where Sally's was.

    1. As a youth and until Bill's closed, I had a great spot for eye-balling the sweet behinds of just about every hairstylist in NW GSO from the comfort of Bill's dining room. I could right by the window and enjoy the parade.

    2. For one of the WORST first dates that I ever had, I met a girl who wanted to go the Bill's on Battleground. She was like a new shiny Penny. She looked INCREDIBLE, but she turned out to be a worthless endeavor. After a pizza at Bill's, she wanted to walk over to Sally's, the place you could easily see from the dining room. She purchased shampoo.

  16. We agree on Bill's placement! But for some reason, I think we got our wires crossed.

    You're right! I forgot about the carwash there. I go by that intersection at least a 1,000 times a year and I never really noticed it. That block doesn't offer anything for me... Don't like Taco Bell, so I don't pay attention.

  17. Anonymous2:42 AM

    Down with "Thriller" and Bill's Pizza! That is all.

  18. Anonymous6:59 PM

    I can confirm that the car wash now operates where Bill's Pizza once stood. I am the daughter of Bill, and my husband and I still operate the Randleman Road location. We are still going strong and looking to locate an additional restaurant in Guilford soon! We will celebrate 40 years next year. We thank everyone who has made our 40-year milestone possible!