“Doggie Style” A mix tape by Chip Kinney

I made damn sure to knock a few things off my personal list today. There are things that I have either put off because I don’t like doing them or things that were too expensive to handle until an unexpected check landed in my lap last week.

First thing scratched off the list was getting my Driver’s License renewed. That was one of the things that slipped my mind. And it’s also something that I don’t like doing because of long waits and sheer inconvenience. But I managed a good teeth-clenching attitude necessary to get it over with.

I hit the Driver’s License Office on East Market St. right in front of Lollilard. The air smelled of delicious tobacco and even though I don’t smoke, I love the smell. If they had a waiting area outside I wouldn’t mind going so much. Nothing against Hispanics, but sitting in a waiting area where everyone is speaking a language I don’t know is not my idea of a good time.

I somehow got in the wrong line because instead of going right, I went with my Libertarian beliefs going a little left. Some skinny old man walked up and was immediately served. How they missed seeing a big, hulking guy like me… I don’t know. Perhaps someone else should administer the eye test.

I did miss one letter on the eye test because there was a smudge (I pointed out afterwards) on the right lens. I aced the street signs and I was done. I choose the same background for my license, the Wright Brothers plane. I got my picture snapped, waited for about 4 minutes, and I was gone.

It was fairly painless. My fantasy Driver’s License office would be smack dab in the middle of a Hooter’s, where the boobs, butts, and beer are plentiful. That’s my 3-B belief!

When I started up my truck, Roxy was sputtering more than usual and practically dying on me. I was patting her on the dash and asking her what the problem was, but I knew the answer. It was something that I had been putting off because of the possible expense of getting her fixed. I got her to work, which is close by, and she was smoking something awful. Since the smoke was black, I knew oil was getting into her system and I don’t like that.

Not long ago, she started acting funny and the “check engine” light came on. Since I didn’t want to go the dealership to get her checked out, I took Roxy to Advance Auto on Pisgah Church and Paul put in the plugs to find out what the codes were. Of course, it was something that I couldn’t get my Dad to handle in the driveway. So I asked Paul how long I could put it off and he said a couple of weeks.

Great! There go Christmas gifts for everyone again this year.

As it turned out, it was something that would affect my emissions when I went to get my Inspection Sticker renewed. So I’ve been putting that off too. Hopefully, that will get buried tomorrow and scratched off my list of things to get done.

When I took Roxy to Ciener-Woods Ford, I immediately reminded Bill about my 100,000-mile warranty. I told him that I’m sure they would have some kind of “creative” way around it. But I felt enough was enough. I had to bite the bullet and have my money painfully pulled and surgically extracted from my pockets.

Roxy was taken around to the garage and Bill came to see me a short time afterwards. I asked him if it was time to rake my hands through my hair because I could feel impending doom. Bill joked about me actually having hair and estimated Roxy’s service at $439. Honestly… Not as bad as I had expected.

I gave him the go-ahead and I walked across the street to eat at Clark’s Lexington Style BBQ joint. After all the days spent at Ciener-Woods, I had never ventured over to Clark’s. Too bad… The chopped sandwich (I get without cole slaw) was excellent with Texas Pete Hot Sauce. The waitresses were also as hot as the Texas Pete, not that it matters to you, just an observation.

Even though I backed off fried foods, I did order a batch of hushpuppies. I feel that it is necessary when experiencing a new BBQ joint. I’ve done Stamey’s to death and I needed to try someone else’s for comparison. I found them to be more than adequately greasy because of the lack of deep fried goodness in my diet these days. Those puppies weighed heavily long after the meal. Jeez!

All finished up at Clark’s, I paid and left the building. Once in the parking lot, my natural instinct to reach for my keys took over. My pocket was empty and a flash of panic washed over me until I realized that Roxy was being serviced across the street. Yet still, I felt naked without my truck keys as I dodged traffic on Highway 66.

All in all, I got a lot of things accomplished today and my checking account is $427 lighter. It was cool that I got that unexpected money last week, but as they say… “The Lord giveth and Ford taketh away.”