Michael Monroe ‘Not Fakin’ It’

While working during the Human Race charity event on Saturday, I noticed something. Actually, lots of something’s… Dogs.

Walkers and runners had brought their dogs with them. There were several people that I work with participating in the Human Race and right along side of them were their dogs. The dogs were dressed up with a kerchief for the walk or run and they seemed real happy. The panting made them look like they were smiling and they seemed quite happy to be hanging out with everyone else at this event.

As a cat owner, this got me to thinking…

Dogs seem to be very charitable and they appear to be having a good time. They were leading their owners around or walking beside them wagging their tails while checking everyone else out. There were noses hitting groins and ass sniffing all around. It was kind of how I imagine a party at Larry Flint’s house to be.

When the runners took off first, there were a few running with their canines. The dogs seemed to enjoy it more than their owners did or at least that’s what I perceived from the facial expressions.

There were no cats at this charity event. None whatsoever.

Cats aren’t very charitable. If you were to ask a cat, “Hey! You wanna go hang out and do some good for a worthy cause?”

The cat may not even look in your general direction. It may not even open its eyes.

On the other hand, all the dog needs is an open door and the jingle of car keys. A cat would think to itself… Oh… You’re going somewhere? Bring some food back you jerk wad with thumbs and abstract thought. Then they would go back to sleep.

Cats want nothing to do with stuff like that. They would see a large crowd and take off to find some place to hide. They don’t care about running or walking along side of you. They give very little of themselves and they couldn’t care less about anyone else. Cats are very selfish creatures when it comes to charities and doing things to raise money.

But as a cat owner, I like that. My cat Monroe gives me quite a bit of affection and sometimes it’s TOO much affection. She wouldn’t lift a paw to help out the March of Dimes or the Special Olympics. And that’s okay… I love her even though she doesn’t give a crap about anyone else other than herself.

Later that same night, I attended an event benefiting the American Red Cross with my friend Kristina. It was a “red” party and everyone was instructed to wear red. I didn’t. I wore all black because my washer was busted and I didn’t have time to do any laundry to clean the only two red things that I own.

The event was at Solaris in downtown Greensboro where Macado’s used to be. There were sexy-hot nurses walking around with novelty syringes filled with red Jell-O shots. If you wanted to purchase a shot, the sexy-hot nurse pushed down the plunger and alcoholic gelatin would be administered to your mouth.

The party also had an 80’s theme to it as well. Rambo was working behind the bar along side a “Bettie Page” looking nurse. The place was HOPPING!

I don’t know how much money they raised but it was a very interesting time and it was good to see WFMY News 2 Meteorologist Ed Matthews out there past his “bedtime”.