Wednesday, July 06, 2005

The Killers 'Hot Fuss'

Preston and I started off the day for lunch at McDonalds. I cannot get him to understand that hamburgers are good. He just won’t eat them because once he heard his dad say that hamburgers upset his stomach. So, Preston doesn’t eat hamburgers.

Again, Preston is my 4 and some change year old nephew. He’s pretty uncomplicated and I sometimes envy that about him. I keep telling him that he’s got plenty of time to grow up. And if he’s like me, every woman in his life will continue to tell him to grow up.

The kid isn’t very good for my comedic ego. We took our tray and went to a spot that Preston had picked out. I said, “Preston, this is the non-smoking section. You can’t light up in here.”

I did enjoy the two perfumed old hags that shot me a dirty look with that one but my nephew just looked up and said, “Un-Ka Gene… I don’t smoke.”

No laughs, no smiles. The kid is a tough room.

We were having lunch just before seeing a movie. Preston wanted to see ‘The Adventures of Shark-Boy and Lava Girl’ for some crazy reason. I’ve seen commercials and from the first trailer, I knew that it was going to be crap. BUT!… There was one thing that got my attention. The film was in 3-D.

I’m a sucker for gimmicks. When the 3-D craze hit back in the early 80’s, I was there! I missed the last ‘Spy Kids’ movie where they were in 3-D only in the cyber-world. I saw ‘The King Solomon Mines’ (it sucked), ‘Friday The Thirteenth 3-D’ (sucked but cool effects), and ‘Jaws 3-D’ (really sucked). I love 3-D movies.

When they ran ‘Gorilla At Large’ on television, you had to get glasses at a participating Little General Stores so you could get the full effect. I remember smoke floating around just like it was in your living room.

Preston enjoyed the effects in ‘Skank Girl and Lazy Boy’ too. He would move his little football shaped head every time something came at you. Occasionally, he would simply say, “cool”.

I would purposely call the film by the wrong title… ‘Skunk Breath and Fecal Matter’, ‘Chew Toy and Drool Girl’, ‘Tuna Lips and Larva Girl’, ‘Moe, Curly, and Larry Girl’, ‘Spunk Boy and Spray Girl’, and plenty of others that I have forgotten. Every time, Preston would correct me with a little more sarcasm turned up a notch.

Kim Thore from ‘Go Triad’ and didn’t like me funnin’ with Preston during the movie. I called her up because I thought that I was very clever. She came up with something entirely different. You make the call….

Lava Girl grabs Max’s dream journal. Her touch caused it to flame up into ash and smoke. Quickly and easily depressed, she sat down and said, “Everything that I touch gets destroyed.”

I leaned over to Preston and whispered in his ear, “That’s a metaphor about women.” I was very pleased with that one and chuckled out loud.

How do you view my funnin’? Leave your comments please.

The movie wasn’t half bad. If I were to grade it, it would receive a flat ‘C’. Without the 3-D gimmicks it’s only worthy of a flat ‘D’.

Movie over and then we headed over to the Cold Stone Creamery. Good Lord it was good!

Preston and I are planning to see the new film by George Romero called ‘Land Of The Dead’.

Just kidding.


  1. Anonymous12:33 AM

    Did I read this correctly: You talked on your cell phone while the film was playing? I see nothing funny about that at all. I'm going to look into having your Man Card revoked.

  2. No, I would never do that. You should know me better than that.

    I should have said that I called her after leaving the theater.

    So sorry about the confusion.

  3. Anonymous10:41 AM

    Well, it did sound abnormal for you, which is why I axed the question. In that case, you are one funny motherfucker. Please continue.