Monday, June 06, 2005

Chris Whitley 'Living With The Law'

Have you heard the song ‘Don’t You Wish Your Girlfriend Was Hot Like Me’?

I’m sure that is not the exact title, but it’s by a group of Las Vegas strippers called the Pussycat Dolls. The song is awesome. That is, if you like some old school Prince music.

The song is infectious and I’ve been singing it over and over in my head. I was singing it out loud too. I was even clapping out the beat as I was singing it to my niece, Chloe.

She enjoyed that quite a bit.

I started off Saturday morning at 7am and headed off to the Memory Walk happening at Country Park in Greensboro. The morning air was heavy with humidity and the sunny promise of heat later on in the day was breaking through the clouds.

I was going to spend the day with Jason Goodman (Afternoon Drive 1075KZL) starting at the Memory Walk and wrapping things up at Vernon Farms in Kernersville with a Centex Homes remote broadcast.

They were having a pool party at Vernon Farms and it was a good day for it. God set Saturday’s thermostat to “Hell Lite”. As I was setting up the PA equipment, I had to sweat out every last Hardee’s Curly Fry that I’ve eaten in the past 2 months. And when I tore it all down, I must have lost a gallon of the past month’s allowance of Yuengling by sweating.


When Jason and I were hanging out with Parker Collins (Sales for Dick Broadcasting). I decided to do something totally out of character for me. I’m blaming the heat. Okay…

I put my hands behind my head, bent my knees slightly, and started to gyrate my hips towards Mr. Goodman while singing… “Don’t cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me… Don’t cha…. Don’t cha…”

Jason was aghast and moved away from me very quickly.

“Eugene, I didn’t know that you had that in you,” Parker said with mild amusement.

“I’ll do anything for comedy,” I said. And it’s true, I will.

A really attractive girl was laughing and told me that I should come out and do that for everyone there.

I wasn’t being flirty when I said, “For that smile, I’d do just about anything.”

I’m not stupid. I knew that her attractiveness allowed her to play ball in a whole different league. Her league only allows me inside as a spectator. I had no expectations of seeing her smile up close and personal on a date. No expectations of seeing her smiling, naked, and unashamed. No expectations of marriage and kids with picture perfect smiles. No expectations of a nasty and devastating divorce leaving her the only one smiling. I was just being complimentary. She had a lovely smile.

That’s all.

After that compliment, I noticed that she avoided me as if she got word that my backyard was filled with pretty smiling girls in shallow graves. I found it all very comical.

When I went to pack up a large speaker, she was nearby. I pulled the speaker off of the stand and sat it on the ground and when I looked up, she had been vaporized. She was gone so quickly that her shadow was still on the cement.

You see… That’s exactly the reason I don’t flirt. Hell, even if I’m just being complimentary, I come across as “scary-guy”.

Am I that scary? Could I be as repulsive as moldy dog poo?

I don’t know.


  1. Anonymous2:57 PM

    I bet I have more restraining orders than you.

  2. Anonymous9:01 PM

    I think you're mad sexy....but I agree with Christine that you are naturally funny--no need to try...and you're flirting is spot on.